A Change Of Heart

A.L.L

One of my earliest memories I can vaguely remember of my childhood is sitting on my Dads lap in a dull hospital holding out a lilac forever friends lunch box towards him. One of the ones with a large sticker of two bears cuddling plastered across the front.

Dad looked like a giant compared to the kiddie cup he passed to me.

Worry and love poured from both my parents as they patiently waited for further tests to be done on my tiny body.

I was only two years old when I was diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL.) This type of leukemia usually affects the white blood cells and these are really important for your immune system to fight infections.

ALL is an overproduction of lymphoid cells which are called lymphoblast or blast cells; that are produced in the bone marrow but the cells get out of control and divide but do not mature.

Many times my Mum whipped me to the doctors' surgery in a panic to get me examined.

The doctors turned her away numerous times probably believing she was just another anxious first-time mother.

'There is something wrong with my baby, she sleeps all the time and no matter how much she rests it doesn't make a difference.' Mum would say concerned

'Babies sleep a lot, that is to be expected' The doctor insisted

'But she cries all the time'

'Children do that a lot too'

'She has unexplainable bruises all over her legs'

'They also bang themselves without you noticing'

'And she is so pale and has no appetite.'

Finding any excuse to fob my Mum off she reluctantly left feeling as if she was obviously overreacting.

The final straw that kicked every ones butts into gear is when I lay lifeless in my mosses basket.

Mum demanded that Dad leave work and come home early as she was so distressed.

'We need to take her to the hospital' Dad told her.

So off to The Princess Margret Hospital in Swindon we went.

I can only imagine how worried my parents must have been having to admit their small fragile child into the hospital.

They must have felt pure fear of the unknown. Deep raw tummy turning helplessness at seeing their child so uncomfortable and unwell but unable to snap their fingers and take it all away.

Scared to death that I wouldn't recover and not wanting to leave me alone for even a second.

Having a ill child effects the entire family and it is completely normal for them to feel overwhelmed, stressed and think they are unable to cope. Excepting others comfort can be difficult especially when you feel as though you have no control over anything that is going on around you. Keeping the ones you love at arm's length is something you can control; don't isolate yourself it will eventually break you.

It is so much better to have your loved ones there for you and help with lifting your spirits and being your security blanket.

Thankfully this is what my parents did for each other; they eased and gave reassurance to each other.

Between 1991 and 1992 I'd had six blood transfusion and twelve units of platelets. Immediately after having my first transfusion I was like a new child; colour now filled my chubby cheeks and I was actually smiling, it was a miracle, could it really be that easy? Of course it couldn't.