first love || taehyung ff

2 - first love.

you are my first love, i finally realise it
________________________________________

Minyoung/Your pov

I am so lost without you.

Appa passed away a week ago. Umma told me that she wanted to forget appa that's why we are moving house. Of course As for Yi Hanna unnie, i heard from eomma that uncle Kwonjae (appa's friend) had adopted her. [A/N: new character revealed!!]

I wonder why umma and appa allowed unnie to be adopted by him. But i'm quite happy that she's gone, may sound mean but she was really bad to me.

I am always loved by my parents as well as Hanna unnie. Unfortunately, i don't know what happened this year, but appa and umma started fighting a lot and "accidentally" harming me too.

I didn't really understand but I thought it was just those normal fights that adults had.

Who knew?

The fight went on for days...weeks...months. I did everything i could to try stopping them, but it was all useless. Even Hanna unnie started blaming me for the fights that were happening, and so she started "punishing" me by locking me out of the house without food and shoes for hours.....

and i would sit outside of the door..
helplessly,
shivering,
with no one helping me .
everyone who walked pass me just glared

at times i would wish for kim taehyung to be here with me but i cant always rely on him. But i didn't want him to get hurt and suffer with me.
so i would just stare at the pink bracelet and tell myself to stay strong. [A/N: the pink bracelet is the friendship bracelet that taehyung and her has since young]

When appa goes out drinking every night, he would always come back with his "weapon"— a glass bottle. Which could easily symbolize my heart. Shattering every night when the glass bottle was broke into pieces after being smashed on either my head on umma's head. Unnie was never harmed by appa "accidentally" and i never knew why... it felt unfair. Why am I the only one feeling unwanted ?

I cried.

I was sad.

I was lost.

I was broken.

I wanted to die.

I wanted to run away.

I felt that no one wanted me around.

I didnt feel loved.

so i pushed everyone away, even my Best friend Kim Taehyung because I did not want him to see me like this or share the pain with me,

But Taehyung was my best friend and my only friend.
He was the only person to make me

laugh

smile

happy

continue living.

He was like

a star which shows my path

my guardian whom is always there for me

my purpose to live everyday

and my everything.

I would never forget when the time when he first came up to me at the play ground near my home. I gave him the blue bracelet. i always wanted to give to someone i love, surprisingly i didn't get it to appa, unnie or unnie, but i gave it to my first friend, i finally realised—my first love, kim taehyung.

im not sure if i want to meet him in the future anymore. it makes me feel sad for leaving him. for not saying a goodbye. not being there for him when he was always there for me. for not being a good friend. lastly, for not letting him know.

I would still wear my pink bracelet symbolises him and help reminds me, my purpose of living, of course i have no intentions to meet him again. But i'm grateful for him being there for me. I cannot just waste my life like that if he already made me stronger.

The bracelet made me stronger as a person, although this presence wasn't here. Yes, i did avoid him and ignore him, i only did that because i didn't want him to be worried about me or see me suffer so much.

i had cuts, scars, bruises all over my body and i was also very frail and hungry. unnie has once locked me out for 2 days straight and i was of course starving. I didn't want tae to get worried about me.

I would always have red eyes in school from all the crying i would have for nights. sometimes i just felt too broken that not even the bracelet could help me.

Umma continued abusing me and neglecting me. I constantly did not have my meals and had bruises all over my body from my head to my toes. Eomma have locked me out a few times too, just like how unnie did it to me, just that emma has more strength.

In middle school, no one wanted to be friends with me.

i went to school with the bruises easily visible.

i did not know how to cover them up.
i wore a jacket and even long pants but the bruises were still seen on my face.

My teachers had never questioned me about these stuff.

and i would always hear people "whispering" about me. As if they don't know that i am aware of them talking about me.

Students believed that i was in a gang out of school and would go around beating people up and therefore getting beat up by other people as well. but OF COURSE THAT IS NOT TRUE. THAT IS JUST RIDICULOUS.

i may be all cold and whatsoever, but i still have a kind heart and nor do i have the strength to go around places to beat people up.

that was how i lived my middle school.

No friends
No love
No feelings
No happiness

only

being broken
being depressbeing ignored
being neglected

if only you were here with me, taehyung ah. i wish you were here by my side but i cant let you suffer with me. You deserve better.

After middle school, my eomma decided to move house.  i, of course, i cannot argue with her, i will only get more hurt. i did not want to move as i made so many memories with appa there, whether good or bad. i still love him and umma.

But Do i still love them?

i feel broken

and unsure on what to do

kim taehyung, you will be there for me mentally right?
i will picture your bright rectangle smiles. making me all warm inside.

only when i met you, then i believed in love at first sight.
I'm happy to say that you were my first love

AN: 2nd chap updated!! what do you think about it? what's going to happen to Minyoung? How will life be now?