Medicine | L.S.

Chapter One: A Dull Ache

Louis's Perspective

Living has always been a top priority for me. Anytime I think about death or hospitals, I always feel a bit dreadful; like the floor beneath my feet will cave in at any second. I hate that my brain is wired this way. I hate that I spend so much time thinking up scenarios in my head about all the different ways in which I could potentially die. There's definitely something wrong with me.

Although I'm sometimes worried about minor things, I do have people in my life that make me forget that I'm sad. My flatmate, Liam, always pushes me to go out and do things I wouldn't normally think to do, like going out to clubs or seeing movies. I always have appreciated him. We've been friends ever since we could remember. We've always known we wanted to live together; Liam always said that if he couldn't remind me to live life and have a good time, then who else will?

So, naturally, we're sat in this club that he dragged me to, where the music's too loud and the liquor's too strong and every gay guy is trying to get with Liam.

As the cheeky lad pushes his way over to where I'm sat, he yells, "Lou, why are you just sitting here? Come dance with me!"

I reply back, "No thanks, I'm good. I'd rather sit here than get felt up by some random stranger." He huffs and shuffles his way back to the dance floor. I felt bad for rejecting him but I just am not in the party mood tonight. So, I'm staying near the bar to get as much access to the drinks as I possibly can.

"Hey," a black-haired man with bits of silver walks over to me. "The name's is Simon. Can I buy you a drink?" I hesitate for a moment before finally nodding my head in agreement; he may not be very attractive, but I'm not going to turn down a free drink. "So what's a lovely lad like you doing here on a night like this?"

"Honestly," I start, "the refreshments." I wave around my glass carelessly and he just laughs.

"So you're saying that a silver fox such as myself doesn't have a chance with a boy like you?"

Ugh, I think to myself, how can I smoothly and nicely decline this older man?

"Never mind. Don't answer that," Simon adds. " I just saw you and thought, now what's the harm in indulging myself a bit with someone I'm attracted to? It doesn't mean we have to get married or anything it just means we can have a great time with no expectations." Simon grins cheekily and puts his hands in his pockets.

He makes a good point; people lose sight of the simple pleasures nowadays like just hanging out with new people. No expectations means no getting hurt, right? I tip the rest of the liquid in my cup back and feel the burning sensation slide down my throat. Simon notices and orders me another.

I down a couple more drinks and by that time I'm feeling warm; so warm that I make my way over to the bathroom to get a bit more air. As I stare into my reflection, I can't help but hate who stares back at me. I'm already living as a hermit at the age of twenty-six.

I wish my brain wasn't wired like this.

I splash cold water on my face and head back out to collect Liam and call it a night. However, as I'm making my way out I bump into a dark-haired man with deep set eyes and lots of tattoos. "Oh, I'm so sorry," I babble out, but the guy just crinkles his brown eyes into a smile.

"Oh no, don't worry about it. You're good," he replies in a thick Bradford accent. Then he disappears around the corner.

I wander around a bit before I see Liam up against the wall with some guy, and not the good kind of "up against the wall". His eyes shoot towards me almost as if to say "help me". I immediately walk over and forcefully turn the guy to look at me. "Oi, it doesn't look like he wants ya', you fucking looser!" I yell at him over the music.