fix me | park jihoon

i.

eunbi would usually sit on the edge of her bed, crying her heart out. she would weep for hours, pouring and emptying out all of the pain she was hiding the whole night. it was a familiar scenario for her. her typical nights weren't any different, they only consisted of her father physically abusing her and her mother, being the drunkard he is.

the bruises, wounds and scars on her body were a product of both her father's reckless rage and her own self- hate and desire to numb all feeling in her system. at this point, she just wanted to not exist anymore, desperation wrapped her body as she just weakly held on to a last string of hope, being her love for her own mother.

despite her grief and hatred for her ow father, she could only succumb to his orders, making her the breadwinner of the family. her father didn't have a decent job, he'd try to apply once or twice a month, but every time he tried, there was a big possibility that he would get fired less than a week on the job due to his low competency.

paying his debts was an even larger problem for her, since she only worked at a convenience store during the afternoon. she dropped out of school at an early age, as her parents would only tell her to work because that produced money at the least.

but tonight was different. she didn't weep loudly like the usual, nor did she feel like all the burden in the world was on her shoulders. 

the tears threatening to spill on her emerald eyes just flowed unconsciously through her cheeks, her lips not uttering not one single sound. she felt numb and empty, like the majority of her skin that was covered with purple injury.

the lass sneaked out of her bedroom window, landing on the patched field of grass, her feet taking her up the emergency ladder. she made it to the rooftop, gripping her knee that was barely bruised as it hit dented some of the roofing. 

" i'm about to commit suicide and yet you can't even let me witness a full moon. not even once." she gazed at the half moon keenly, finding it ironic that the moon decided to play her on the night she planned to die. 

" oh well." she breathed out, standing at the edge of the metal roofing. she closed her eyes tightly, without a single feeling remaining in her chest.

"i wouldn't do that if i were you." a male voice said and her eyes shot open. she took a step back, almost slipping. she quickly turned to her left, seeing a chocolate- haired boy who was observing her the whole time. he sat at a similar rooftop, being it the one from the neighbouring house.

he kept his gaze intact with hers, " and why not? why would you stop me from doing something that will finally make me happy?" eunbi cried out, her voice cracking. 

jihoon stopped, his mouth not being able to say anything further. he stared into the girl's emerald eyes longingly, and he could almost see clearly of all the sorrow and tragedy hidden behind her twinkling eyes and her pained expression. looking at her simply left him dumbstruck, and soon he wasn't able to formulate much thought into what he was saying.

they were two complete strangers, but looking at each other now made them realize one thing they had in common. it made them realize how broken the both of them were.

" dying won't give you happiness. it won't give you anything, in fact, you'll just be dead. if you've been robbed of happiness your whole life to the point where it makes you want to kill yourself, then whatever comes after won't be any different. you'd just be robbing yourself of the happiness you could have gotten if you were alive." he muttered, not paying much thought to what he said.

but what he said made a huge impact on eunbi. a subtle throbbing was present in her chest, and suddenly she could feel pain again. what she felt didn't matter much to her at the moment, but what mattered was that this boy she knew none of, a boy she had no relation to whatsoever, made her feel again.

she just looked at him with tears clouding her vision, the moonlight falling on her face. the breeze blew some of the strands of her hair over her face but she remained motionless. jihoon stood there, his mouth parted for a few seconds before suddenly blurting out,

" stay there, i'm going to help you come back down."

_________________________

a/n: i just want to give another disclaimer:

this is in the intro but i just wanted to say that this fanfic has trigger warnings and suicide related content so if you are easily triggered by that or it affects you negatively in any way, then please view it with discretion.

this fic will have more of a deep and mature concept to it (but i'll still add lots and lots of romance and fluff to it cuz thats just how i am lmao)

also, i am in no way glorifying self - harm, different mental illnesses or suicide in any way shape or form, and as a person who can empathize with these feelings, i wanted to let ya'll know that if you are experiencing a rough day, or you're just depressed or fed up with everything, please know that there are people like me who are willing to hear you out and comfort you.

every one has their lows and if you do have  a mental illness, please don't hesitate to reach out for professional help.

i love you all and i hope you guys get the happiness you all deserve. ^^