Fireworks

A Memory

It all happened in that one night.  It was like a domino effect that changed our lives; however, I can hardly recall it now.

My heart stopped as my hand gripped the car keys enough to leave imprints.  What had I expected when I came?  Was I just going to ignore what my mind had been warning me about?  Going to ignore all the signs and first-hand accounts from your best friend?

Sudden flashes of our life that we had built together began to break down the lies I had told myself in order to believe your excuses.  Our wedding and honeymoon to Disney World.  The home we saved for, and bought, just so we could plan for the future.  Oh, and how excited we were to have little Cole not two months ago.  He looks just like you.  I always just told myself that maybe being a father was getting to you, that you were staying late at work so we could have a better life.  How all the happy, wonderful memories began to burn away with a stomach full of anxious butterflies.

The firework show began overhead.  I barely heard them.  They lite the night sky in a beautiful array of every color imaginable.  For some it brought wonder, and others an awe sensation. Just like our first kiss had been for me.  A wonderful memory, full of excitement and happiness; just like fireworks going off.  Now I see you sharing the same moment with someone else.

My breathing is shallow; my throat is dry as my heart instinctively took control.  My pace to your spot was quick and stiff.  When I finally reached the two of you, it was your brown eyes that stopped me dead in my tracks.  They had done that once before in the same way at my night shift at the local Starbucks.  How you always jokingly asked if I wanted go get coffee, as if I didn't work around it all day. Your charming smile that I loved wasn't here tonight.

Our locked stare was what crumbled my walls I built behind my eyes.  The way you abruptly stood from your arm being wrapped causally around her caused the woman to playfully question your motives.  That was... Until she saw me.

Her eyes widened and she quickly stood.  Her blue eyes darted between the two of us.  "Kameron, who is she?"

The slight laugh the woman gave wasn't real.  I could tell the woman was getting emotional.  You looked at the gravel at your feet.  Why?  I wanted to ask so badly.  Why throw it all away?

"Shelby I..."

I could see the panic in your eyes.  The way your voice cracked when you said my name brought back even more memories, like when you asked me to marry you.  Where had the ten years of love gone?

You turned and mumbled the answer to the woman who gasped in shock.  She hadn't known.  I felt bad for her, and yet painfully jealous.  "All this time," the woman said crying, "you have been married?  You told me you loved me, you pig!"

"So... you have been cheating," I said with a sigh.  "I figured, yet..."

My words caught in my throat in a huddle.  A sob escaped.  "I trusted you..."

It's been almost twenty years later since that night and I never really quite stopped loving you.  I always questioned why I hadn't thrown your pictures away.  Every time you came to see Cole my heart skipped a beat.  Your charming smile made me giddy. Why had I still longed for your embrace and comforting words? My wrinkled hand ran along the tomb stone slowly.

Silently, and with a sad smile, I sat the cup of Starbucks coffee and some flowers down on the fresh dirt.

"Would you like to get some coffee," came my chocked question as I cried into my hand.