Only God can judge me.
-- Misty
"Girl, you know men ain't shit. Don't worry 'bout Jamaar, you know he'll be back. He always do," I said in the phone that was between my shoulder and head.
LaShunta sniffed. "I just don't know how he can keep doing this to me, Misty."
I rolled my eyes and mocked her silently before responding. "Me either, girl. Me either."
I looked over my shoulder just in time to see Laron hit Lamon in the head with his Hot Wheels car. Lamon went into another crying fit on the floor in the living room. I shrugged and turned around back to the stove.
I heard LaShunta blow her nose loud as hell in the phone. I sighed and switched the phone to my other ear.
"Misty! Misty, you still there?"
I rolled my eyes again. "Yeah, I'm here, girl."
She cleared her throat. "So, you know I was in Richmond today."
I smiled, I know she about to give me some dirt. "Mmhmm," I mumbled.
"Girl, you know Jessi --the one 'dat be wit' 'dat hoe Omanda?"
Lamon wails got louder, so loud I couldn't hear what LaShunta just said. I pulled the phone away from my ear and turned around.
"Shut the fuck up all 'dat cryin' Lamon! Stop bein' a lil bitch and hit his ass back!"
I turned back around and put the phone back to my ear. "Yeah, girl. Now what you was sayin'?"
I heard her suck her teeth. "I said, Griff was all hugged up with 'dat bitch Jessi in Richmond today."
I stopped stirring the chili beans I was cooking on the stove, took the phone away from my ear, and looked at it. Did I just hear what I think I heard?
I put the phone back in place. "Girl, don't play with me," I told her.
"Misty, don't nobody got time to be playin' wit' you. You needa' check 'dat nigga!"
As soon as her words was spoken, I heard the front door to my house open then slam shut. I glanced over my shoulder and rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, here this nigga go too. I'ma call you back."
Before I pressed the end button, I heard LaShunta yell, "Check 'dat ass!"
I slammed the phone on the small counter next to me then turned around. Griff had Lamon in his arms, bouncing him up and down. I walked over to him, stepping on one Laron's fingers by a mistake. He cried out louder than his brother.
"Damn, Misty you just stepped on his goddamn finger!" Griff yelled at me while reaching down to pick up his other son.
I rolled my eyes and put my finger in his face. "Fuck 'dat! What's this I hear about you all hugged up wit' Jessi in Richmond? Oh, you fuckin' her now?"
Griff exhaled and pushed past me, going into the twin's bedroom.
I followed on his heels. "Don't walk away from me, Griff! Answer me!"
He put the boys in their crib and walked out. I followed him to the room we shared.
"So, you ain't got nothin' to say?" I asked him with my arms folded in front of me. I watched him as he took off his white t-shirt and threw it on the floor in a corner.
I felt my eyes fill and my vision blur. He won't answer you because he's guilty, the angry voice in my head told me.
I nodded, agreeing with it.
I don't know why you're with him. All he do is fuck around on you, you dumb bitch, the voice continued. Tears began to fall as the words of the mad voice settled in.
Griff saw my tears and paused what he was doing. "You gon' let them bitches you call your friends tear us apart?"
"It's not them, Griff. It's you!" I yelled while putting my back against the wall. My head began to throb in pain.
Just listen to him, Misty, the kind voice now told me in my head before the angry one came back. Don't listen, don't listen to anything he says.
Griff came over to me, putting both of his hands on my shoulder. "Calm down, Misty."
"No! Tell me, Griff. Tell me you wasn't with Jessi!"
He sighed before wrapping his arms around me, making me hug him. You're weak, the voice came back louder than before. I pushed him away from me hard, making him stumble. I walked to the living room, sat on the couch and put my head in my hands.
Listen to him.
Fuck him, he's a liar. He's just with you 'cause of the twins.
Go back in the room.
You're a dumb bitch.
I screamed, banging my head with both of my hands. "Shut the fuck up!" I told the voices.
Griff came out of the room and sat next to me. I know he thought I was yelling at the twins.
"Baby..."
He's a liar.
I looked over at him, ignoring the mean words in my head.
"I wasn't with Jessi, or any other girl in Richmond. It's a hundred degrees outside, what I look like having a girl all up on me?"
Don't listen to him!
I looked away. "Whateva' Griff."
He grabbed my hand. I snatched it back. "You gon' believe them over me, Misty? Your man?"
I didn't respond.
Griff stood up, looking down at me with burning eyes. "This some bullshit."
I didn't say a word.
It seems like he stood there for hours before he finally left out of the door he came in minutes ago.
I sighed, stood up, and went back to our room. I pulled out the small wooden book I kept under my side of the bed. The box that nobody knows exist except me.
I opened the box, smiling down at the five white lines I put lined together yesterday. I reached in my pocket, pulling out a one dollar bill.
This is all you need. Fuck Griff and those cry babies, the voice told me.
I smiled and put the tightly rolled dollar bill to my nose before sniffing two lines. I layed back flat on the bed, drowning out my sons' cries and the devil/angel voices.
