Personal problems

This is new to me

I suppose I'm told by my doctor to write about how I feel and how I think it started, actually I don't know how I came to feel this way, so I'll go to the first time it became prominent;

The earliest I remember feeling like this is when I was seven, and young Susan was feeling upset at nothing at the time, I was feeling empty and sad and angry at myself. In short I was overwhelmed by my feelings, and overwhelmed by the situation. It was around this time where my mother moved from my dad, I know it wasn't the divorce that made me feel this way, they have been divorced for a while, but my mother was saving up enough money to move out. I sat in my new room in my new house, remembering that I'll have to switch yearly, meaning I'll have to live with my mother for a year and visit my dad on holidays, and then I switch. Simple but pressuring. I would have to loose all my friends every year. At the time it was a problem, when I was seven, I was very social and bubbly. I would go up to anyone below or over my age and ask if they wanted to be friends, but I was still shy, I could not talk to adults. When they talk to me I would look to my mother, expecting her to answer for me so I can go play and forget the adult exists. When I was seven I was very short, this was because I was malnourished, I didn't eat unless my mother made me. And I didn't eat when I was with my father, he had a job, he didn't supervise, I didn't need to eat. I wasn't complaining I didn't like eating, but my doctor was complaining. But so many years of eating very little led to eating big at one moment and not eating the rest of the day. Anyway, due to the fact of me being short at seven, people would still go up to me and gush on my adorable-ness, I smiled and didn't complain, until they asked my name, that's when I looked to my super-Mom to get me away from talking to big scary adults. Sometimes she did, and other times she became super-villain and pushed me to talk to the adult, backstabbed again by super-villain-Mom.
But to me my life was great, I thought so too, but at seven I locked myself in my room and tried to kill myself with a belt. My sister found out, and my mother talked to me, I lied to her about my feelings for the first time, I denied ever using a belt so improperly, and she let me go.. I resorted to crying softly into my hands at night so no one can catch me, but I can still relieve pressure. I tried to remember why I wanted to kill myself, I tried to imagine if anything cruel was said. But I was living a great life, and saw no problems. Not knowing was the problem later in my life, and I wished I could have seen it when I was seven. But being seven I was oblivious to the future, I expected my problems to go away like a paper cut, It didn't.

A/N
If you didn't notice, Susan went off topic a few times, this is because even though she is reminiscing she is still a child, and like every child they don't stay in one topic and unintentionally stray from the conversation. The word count is 666
Thanks for reading, new chapters will be updated and the time in indefinite so please do not ask, it pressures me, but also comment! I love some comments it makes me feel loved a little. Sorry off topic.. Bye stay up to date with me! If you have any questions leave them in the commentary I'll try to read as much at I can. Okay bye!