Dear Lou,
I told Liam about the letters; he gave me a knowing smirk and walked away. My confusion didn’t last very long as I saw you and my heart dropped into my stomach. You know, it’s total bullshit how beautiful you are without trying. You walked down in a jumper, the type with the wide neckline that shows your collarbones and those blasted red trousers. It’s like you wake up in the morning and make the decision to actively torture me. Actually, I would prefer that to what actually happens. What happens is that you actually wake up in the morning, not giving a fuck about how you affect me. Which is hell; I’d rather be tossed in the Thames.
You know, lets make a list of things I rather have happen to me than loving you and you not loving me back:
· Addicted to drugs
· Homeless
· An Amputee
· Date Eleanor
· Be in your wedding to someone else other than me
· Shoot myself in the chest
· Get kicked out of the band
· Be disowned by my mum
· Be banned from America
· Shave my head
· Get the plague
· Never buy another pair of converse
· Wear jeans as loose as Niall’s
· Watch Lou and Eleanor have sex
· Read Elounor fanfiction
Alright, well, the list is getting a bit trivial and maybe a little strange. I suppose I should explain. I would rather all these things than be in love with you because if I didn’t love you nothing about you and Eleanor would matter. Watching you have sex would just be really strange porn and elounor fanfiction would just be something that we would laugh about together at her embarrassment. I wouldn’t care about being your best man because it wouldn’t break my heart to see you there smiling at the wrong person. I know she’s the wrong person, I know deep down in my soul that she’s not the right person for you and that’s not just my jealousy talking. She doesn’t understand you like you deserve to be understood; she doesn’t touch you like you deserve to be touched.
As I made clear in my other letter, I spend probably, a disgusting amount of time for a celebrity, on tumblr. I see all those photos of you and her together. They are awkward. Exceptionally so, why does the lady never hold your hand correctly mate? Her fingers always pointing outwards like if she actually held your hand her soul might disappear or something. If I was holding your hand, God, I wouldn’t let go, ever. I would hold on to you like you were the only thing keeping me on the ground. You would be the sun and I would be the earth, you’d be the only thing keeping me in orbit. I would let my fingers lose all their feeling before I would ever attempt to let go.
I don’t know how she lets you out of her sight. I wanted to move in with you and spend every minute with you before I even knew that I wanted to kiss you senseless. I wanted you with me all the time. I wanted to be able to walk less than 20 feet to see you smile and fall asleep to the sounds of your laughter. Now, I’ve come full circle, I’m living somewhere else desperately missing the gentle snores that used to come from the other side of my bedroom wall. Ever since I’ve fallen in love with you, everything has gone to shit. I would do anything for you. If you told me to pick between being in the band and being with you, I would throw away my dream.
