Coping Mechanisms

Warnings: Unedited.

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The teacher sighs when he raises his hand.

"Yes, Sawada?" She says, pausing in her lecture -- something important about math, something that Tsuna could not bother to learn at the moment. His hand clenches around the fabric of his pants --

"May I go to the bathroom?" He tries not to portray how frantic he is at the moment, but it doesn't work, as the teacher immediately gives him her approval.

"What? She never lets anyone go during a lesson!" Someone hisses, but his chair scrapes against the floor as he hurriedly walks out. The door shuts behind him, and after ensuring that he wasn't being monitored by anyone within a ten metre radius of him, he claws at his chest.

"Not now, not now," he mutters, but it's no use. Snapping his head back up, his path to the bathroom is unblocked and his hurried steps transforming into a sprint by the time he enters. He has a few seconds to check under the stalls and with no one present with him, before slamming open a stall and locking it behind him.

Flicking the toilet seat down, he climbs onto it and brings his legs to his chest, his hands on his head as he tries to breathe in deeply. For a few seconds, it works, before his exhales become whimpers that gurgle out of his mouth.

His eyes squeeze shut, a few tears trickling out against his will, which is collapsing at his rate of deterioration.

"I can't," he breathes, his voice cracking.

It claws within him, struggling to break out of the cage that was his body. Each pound of his heart is only a ticking time bomb of what is to come. It speeds up as it attempts to break free again, its claws scraping against whatever was caging it -- unfortunately, that cage remains firm, leaving Tsuna to suffer.

A part of him wishes that it would actually break free of whatever his body was trapping it with, but if it hurts this badly by keeping it within him, what would happen if it were to get out?

This is not normal. The first time this had happened, Nana had hurriedly taken him to the hospital, only for the doctors to shake their heads as they told her the bad news. Nana hadn't taken it well, pleading for them to save him -- to figure out what was wrong with him.

Tsuna had watched with wide eyes as she threw herself at the doctors, and it was then that it was clear: should it happen again, it will never be in front of Nana -- or anyone else. It was better that he lied and was the only one hurt by this condition or illness than affect those around him. It was better this way. His hands clenches overtop of themselves and the clothing over his heart.

A wail involuntarily leaves his lips, but Tsuna bites his bottom lip to prevent any more of the sound from leaking out. It doesn't go unnoticed how the pressure lessens, but he couldn't do it at school, could he?

Wishing it to end, Tsuna parts his lips to let out a dying whimper, a cry for no one else but him to hear. His eyes were leaking tears now, too, falling onto his knees and saturating his pants as they rolled down.

He coughs dryly from the lack of hydration after swallowing down the cries, but he'll have to continue for the pressure to finally release.

Listening closely for any signs of anyone else coming in, Tsuna parts his lips again and lets out a louder cry, his breath shuddering out of his body as the pain racks through him, each pang breaking him slightly more than the last. He couldn't endure this. He couldn't do this. How did he think he could do this all alone --

A scream erupts from his lips, loud and clear. Tsuna chomps down on his bottom lip, forcing it to cut out, expecting for the pain to hit again. Bracing himself, his breath held, but the attack never comes. The pressure is gone, and he unravels from his ball, the moment sinking in.