Multiple people, multiple ways

It's hard (12)

I see Kyle walk up to us, he looks like he's been crying.

"Kyle!" I yell.

He starts crying again.

"Fuck," Kenny whispers.

He comes over to Kyle, taking him into a hug.

"Are you okay?" Kenny asks.

"No. Everything is shit and I have to smile. I can't take it. I can't take everything that's happening," Kyle says.

"What's happening?" Stan tries.

"Everything is going down, the illusion of happiness has fallen, I can't do it," Kyle says.

"Kyle?" Stan asks.

"I don't want it. I wanna stop it, but I cannot," Kyle says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Everything is shit. Everything I love is complete shit, I can't gather the energy to do something about it. I feel like everything is gone. Everyone is fighting, thinking that I don't hear, everyone keeps thinking I'm fine and telling me, how lucky I am because nothing is happening to me and I- I don't want everything to die, I don't want it all to disappear. I hang onto it like my life depends on it, but I can't, I'm, mentally, dying and physically, just slower," Kyle says.

"I keep having panic attacks at the worst moments and keep denying that something wrong. I got medicine, but it doesn't help for shit and I just keep laughing and smiling, making jokes. But then I have you, and you make me feel actually happy, but everything else is shit, everything is falling and I keep doing things to stay away from it, but then, when my mind needs to get off it, everything goes to shit again and I can't stop it," Kyle says.

Stan looks very different.

"Are you depressed?" He asks.

"I fit into the diagnosis, but more prominently, I have anxiety. Which is ruining my life, and I can't take it. I couldn't speak publicly today, I had to run off. Then I had a panic attack and had to just stay quietly because I couldn't breath. I feel like I've died, every fucking morning. I can't get up, but then I remember I have something to look forwards to, and then I get up, just because of that something. Everyday is a struggle between just finding something to get high or drink from and just staying awake and feeling like a train wreck in the morning," Kyle says.

I look at Kyle, taking a piece of paper and giving it to him.

"We'll all figure this out. Someday you can, maybe not laugh at this time, but you can say that you got through it," I say.

"You're all such lights," Kyle says.

Stan shakes his head, hugging Kyle.

"So are you," he says.

"Hey. About waking up like you're dead," Kenny says.

He puts a hand on Kyle's shoulder.

"You can show the middle finger to it. We're here. I'll come get you every morning you're alone, I'll drag you out of bed, I promise. You are not alone, we will get you through this. If we can make you happy, we'll do anything to make you happy," Kenny says.

"You can always come to me, if you feel so bad. I'll do anything for you, I promise," I say.

I kiss him on the cheek.

"I promise," I say again.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Kyle asks.

"Everything. You've helped us all, we should be thinking, what we did to deserve you. I would be far worse than I am now, I'm sure of it. I owe my life to you," Stan says.

"Same," I say.

Kenny sighs.

"You saved Karen. That's worth more than a life," he says.

Kyle takes a hold of us to hug us.

"We don't really hug anymore. Do we?" Stan asks.

"No, but I need it, so, shut up," Kyle says.

We stay in place for a minute.

"Well. We wanna get to mine before snow, right?" Stan asks.

We nod and take our bags, walking down. Stan and Kenny have Kyle between them and Kyle and I've got Stan in between.

"Are all of us just gonna tell our problems to Kyle?" Kenny asks.

"Stan did promise me," Kyle says.

"Getting through the problems of depression and drinking alcohol. I have  nothing else that's prominent," Stan says.

"Mom's ill and dad is blaming me and yells at me all the time I get home. He has done worse, but I'd rather not talk about it. Oh yeah, and a couple of people keep beating me up for being 'too gay' or for wearing, what I want to wear. It's such bullshit I actually forgot about it for a moment. Yeah, and a couple of adults as school are making me do more work because 'student council has always been a help.' I wonder, why Craig and I are the only ones that haven't to do work. I don't really mind, Craig is really really nice sometimes," I say.

I nod, looking at Kenny.

"I wanna die, my dad went into the hospital but the bill is so big it'll probably leave all of us without anything for two months. Karen's giving up, but thankfully her way of giving up is 'I have to find a way for us to get better' rather than my way. Anyway, mom has taken up drinking, which is expensive, when money is barely anywhere and oh yeah, smoking is nice," Kenny says.

"Kenny, we can take you over for a month," Stan says.

"Ike surely wouldn't mind Karen and mom loves her. We could take her," Kyle says.

"Are you sure, I don't want to be a burden?" Kenny asks Stan.

"Of course. Hey. Lets go by yours to pick up Karen and then figure more out?" Stan asks.

Kenny nods and we all start leaving.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to thank a couple of people for giving me a moment to forget real life and letting me live a fantasy for just a minute.

caffeinetea and Hello_Im_Crazy279

You both don't know how much just the thought that I have people to talk to helps me. Thank you.  I can never thank you both just enough.

~Eko.