Multiple people, multiple ways

Moms have left (24)

"Dad. Kyle and Butters are here," I say.

I sigh at the sight of my fathers keys on the table, without the man anywhere in sight.

"Hey, at least he hasn't gone to key the car," Kyle suggests.

"I said not to talk about it," I say.

I throw my bag on the floor before going to my room, the rest behind me with their bags.

"Make yourselves at home," I say.

I sit on my desk, putting my papers away.

"Is your mom coming home?" Butters asks.

"I mean, I don't know, she could be with Sheila again," I say.

"She is. Mom told me that dad's responsible for the kids because women are going out due to stress. Apparently especially Sharon was really stressed," Kyle says.

"Well. That turned the day around, I gotta cook and clean and do shit since dad isn't home and won't probably be good enough to do any of it, when he does come," I say.

"Yeah, true. Let me help," Kenny says.

"Mom's away? Fuck," Butters says.

"Oh shit, that's bad," I say.

"Dad's probably having a night shift to be there until like 6 pm. Meaning I need to be home by seven to babysit Ike," Kyle says.

"Why did the mom's have to leave?" Kenny asks.

"You aren't gonna have any change, if your mom comes home or not," Butters says.

"Okay, true. How long are they going to be out?" Kenny asks.

Kyle laughs at something on his phone.

"I found Randy," Kyle says.

"He's at yours... isn't he?" I ask.

"Yup. And Ike and Karen are reporting 'Suspicious activity.' Basically code for Shit's getting gay," Kyle says.

"Goddamnit dad. I'm serious. Either he is drunk or doing something with Gerald. Oh my God. Just as Sheila leaves they both go for it," I say.

"You know, they say we're basically both our fathers. Are we gonna fuck as well?" Kyle asks.

"Wait wait wait. What are you talking about?" Butters asks.

"They've been fucking for such a long time. Neither of us is surprised anymore at any of this. They could get married and run off to the sunset and I couldn't be less surprised," Kyle says.

"So basically they're cheating and neither of you cares?" Butters asks.

"It's not exactly cheating. Dad's pretty open about it and mom doesn't give a shit," I say.

"I don't think it's cheating. Mom has told dad it's okay so many times that i think mom and someone might have made a bet on this. 'Do Randy and Gerald fuck on the first day we're away?' I'm serious, I'm ready to actually bet that they made a bet," Kyle says.

"That's so weird. Mom flipped her shit, when dad went to a gay club," Butters says.

"I have a theory that our moms are fucking as well. To be honest, it's not weird at all, not anymore," I say.

"Hey! We have the same theory! Holy shit, dude," Kyle says.

"Come on. It's more likely than not," I say.

"They reacted in a way that seemed like 'Finally! Finally I can do this!' And immediately left, both of them. If that's not suspicious as shit, I don't know, what is," Kyle says.

"Yeah. Although that would make the theory of 'Gay parents make gay kids' a little more possible for homophobes," I say.

"I honestly think that South Park is just-, everyone here is gay. There is like one straight couple and Nichole is flexible Asexual, so, queer points. Plus, Token is polyromantic. Like, nobody here is straight. I'm concerned, South Park makes kids gay," Kyle says.

"I mean. Everyone here is queer as shit. But I don't think that is a bad thing at all. I guess nobody really has to come out, we know they're queer from the age of like two," I say.

"I mean, Heidi's straight," Kenny says.

"Kenny. Holy shit you are behind, if you think Heidi is straight. I mean, heterosexual, I'm especially putting pressure on sexual here, she's panromantic," Butters says.

"Oh. Well. You know the song," Kenny says.

"What song?" I ask.

"Come on down to South Park, we're all gay as fuck. Everyone is queer and everyone hates themselves," Kenny sings.

"That is a personal attack, fuck you," Kyle says.

"Personal attack?" Kenny asks.

He physically pushes Kyle down, gently of course.

"That's a personal attack, not me singing," Kenny says.

"No it's not," Kyle says.

Kyle 'attacks' Kenny and keeps him down.

"Is this a personal attack?" Kyle asks.

"Yes, yes it is, it's the textbook example of a personal attack," Kenny says.

"You don't know that, you don't read," Kyle says.

"Do you need two on two time for sex or are we okay?" Butters asks.

I laugh, offering a high five. He high fives me.

"I mean, I know, where the condoms are. So," Kenny says.

I go red.

"How the fuck do you know that?" I ask.

"Stan, I just know. It's drawer, the last drawer. Isn't it?" Kenny asks.

"I'm more surprised you know that then anything," I say.

"I've learned something. Most people expect it to be the top drawer, so, most people put them in the bottom drawer. Plus, it's the only one that's actually locked, even, if you claim all of them are," Kenny says.

"Everyone else learns to respect others, Kenny learns, which one is the condom drawer," Kyle says.

"Where does this myth that I don't respect people come from? Seriously, I don't understand it," Kenny says.

"People like you don't normally have that much respect," Kyle says.

"I like to think that when you've known someone almost all your life, you use that information instead of stereotypes," Kenny says.

"I exactly haven't fucked you, I wouldn't know, how you're after, during and before," Kyle says.

"How do you know, how anyone acts before you try?" Kenny asks.

"Well. True, I guess," Kyle says.

"I love you though," Kenny says.

Kyle smiles.