What The Heart Remembers - The Heart #2 (Sample)

Chapter 1 - Part 2

Lacey

I sat on my bed looking out of my window feeling unsettled. I rubbed my hands over my face for a moment to try ease the feelings of anxiousness I was experiencing. Letting out a sigh, I stood up and began to pace my room.

My reflection in the mirror caught my eye and I stopped. For a moment I studied the girl looking back at me as I touched my hand to my hair. I hated how short my hair was. It was a constant reminder of what I had overcome. It should make me feel triumphant but it didn't, instead I felt like I had lost a piece of me and it went deeper than strands of my hair.

I knew it was only superficial and my hair would grow back. I reached for the cap on my dressing table, and pulled it over my head. It was easier to wear a hat and hide it. If strangers couldn't see my missing hair than they wouldn't see I was missing a piece of me.

I had been upset at how much of my hair had been shaved off for the surgery. It shouldn't have been a big deal but Reece had understood. She'd hugged me before wiping my tears away.

"I've always wanted to cut my hair," she had said with a smile.

"You don't have to," I had replied hoarsely.

"I want to," she had insisted and began to list the advantages of having shorter hair.

She was a true friend that would do anything to help me with the process of healing.

Her sharing the hard step with me had made it easier. My brother on the other hand had teased the both of us constantly. He told us we made cute boys. The death glare from Reece hadn't stopped him.

My diagnosis had been so grave that no one believed there was a chance I would survive. But by some miracle I had and I was tumor free.

I should be the happiest person but since I'd woken up from my surgery and looked into Adonis' concerned eyes I'd felt like I was missing something and the more time that passed the stronger the feeling grew. It made me restless and it was becoming harder to relax.

At my checkup I had discovered that I had some memory loss. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly how far it went. The missing pieces of my memory made me feel like there were pieces of me missing. I hadn't told anyone about my inability to feel whole. I felt that I had put them through enough and didn't want to add to it with something I couldn't even understand myself. How was I supposed to explain it to them?

A knock at my door pulled me out of my heavy thoughts.

"Hey," Reece greeted as she breezed into my room.

I wiped the heaviness from my expression and gave her a smile. While I felt practically naked with my short hair hers framed her face perfectly showing off her perfect features.

"I'm so looking forward to tonight," she said excitedly as she set her duffel bag on my bed.

I took off my cap and threw it on the bed.

"You okay?" Reece asked, she was looking at me with a watchful expression.

This was the perfect opportunity to tell her what was going on inside and I bit my lip as I contemplated whether to tell her not. The frown and the deep concern in her eyes made me stop myself. I had put her through enough. I kept hoping that the feeling would go away and I would go back to my normal self but that had yet to happen.

"I'm just a little tired," I said, letting the little white lie roll off my tongue.

She frowned and took a step closer touching my arm with her hand.

"Do you want to stay in tonight? I don't mind. We can watch some movies and eat some junk food?" she suggested but I shook my head.

"I want to get out a little," I assured her.

I was feeling agitated already and staying home would only make it worse. Even feeling self conscious about my short hair wasn't enough for me to stay home. It was like I was looking for something I couldn't find.

"Do you know if Gray is coming to Alex's birthday party?"

Just the mention of his name was enough to tilt my axis and I felt unsteady.

"Alex called him. He said he'd be here," I replied with a shrug trying to disguise my reaction.

What Adonis did or didn't do shouldn't matter to me but it did. Just the thought of seeing him again made me feel a flutter of excitement and dread at the same time. It was hard to love someone that not only didn't feel the same way but went out of their way to avoid you.

Reece watched me closely and I gave her a tight smile that never reached my eyes. She was my best friend so she knew about my crush on him. But I didn't want to tell her how much his indifference to me had hurt over the last couple of months.

I had loved him from afar for as long as I could remember and he'd only ever treated me like his best friend's sister. Things hadn't improved after I'd been released from hospital, in fact it had worsened. It was like he couldn't stand to be around me and had made every excuse not to be around.

Initially, when I'd come out of hospital he'd visited regularly to see how I was but as time had gone by those visits had lessened until it had gotten to a stage when he'd stopped coming to the house all together. I couldn't explain it. Sometimes I would go back through every encounter between us to figure out if I'd said something to upset him but I came up with nothing.

Why he was going out of his way to avoid me? Waking up with memories lost and an increasing feeling of missing something had only worsened with his behaviour. My fragile feelings for him had been harder to carry. I had no way to explain why, all I knew was that it was killing the love I felt for him. It wasn't like I'd expected him to profess his undying love but the avoidance had been hard to take.

"How do you feel about seeing him again?" she asked.

"I don't know," I replied, unable to hold her gaze. I let my eyes drop to the floor.

"What if he felt the same about you?" she asked quietly and I had to suppress a hollow laugh.

"Don't be ridiculous," I told her. "If he cared he wouldn't be avoiding me."

She bit her lip as she watched me, it was like she wanted to say something but she didn't. "We don't have long to get ready," she said, steering the conversation away from Adonis and I was relieved.

Talking about him was worse than thinking about him. I had accept the reality that what I felt for him was a crush that I needed to get over because he would never be more than my brother's best friend.

There was one thing that helped to feel the hole inside of me. Alcohol helped numb me so I didn't feel so lost. That's also one of the reasons I needed to go out. After a couple drinks I could feel normal even if it didn't last it would give me a reprieve for at least one night.

"What are you going to wear tonight?" Reece asked as she steered me to my wardrobe.

"Why don't you pick something for me to wear," I suggested. Her face lit up and she started sorting through my clothes mumbling to herself as she tried to find me the 'perfect' outfit for the party.

It gave me the opportunity to sit down on my bed and sort through my chaotic thoughts as I watched my friend rifle through my clothes.

"What about this?" she asked showing a black mini skirt.

"Okay."

I'd go out and have a few drinks. For the night I would be able to forget.