What The Heart Remembers - The Heart #2 (Sample)

Chapter 4 - Part 2

Lacey

It was unbelievable.

My chest tightened as my emotions swirled around trying to make sense of what I'd just learned. Taking a in a deep breath I held it for a few seconds before I expelled it. Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror everything Adonis had said repeated through my mind searching for the memories that matched but there were none.

My fingertips went to my lips when I remembered when he'd kissed me. Closing my eyes I tried to hold that feeling of awareness that rushed through me. It was like my body remembered what my mind couldn't.

This is insane.

Opening my eyes again I stared at myself for a few more minutes trying to sort through my feelings. I didn't want to have to go out and socialise and pretend my world hadn't been knocked sideways.

Get yourself together. I told myself.

Clutching the counter so tight my knuckles turned white I took a few more deep breaths trying to rid myself of the overwhelming feelings inside.

Adonis liked me. No it had more than that. That thought nearly took my breath away. It had been too much to handle and I had left the room.

"Lacey, you okay in there?" It was Alex.

I looked to the door and let go of the counter. I had expected Adonis to come looking for me but he knew I needed space and was giving it to me.

"I'm fine," I replied trying to keep my emotions out of my voice.

"Open the door," he demanded. He wasn't buying it.

Glancing back at the mirror I soothed my hair before I opened the door. My brother's eyes held mine.

"Gray told me he told you everything."

I nodded. The music was blaring outside.

"How are you handling it?" he asked while he scanned my face.

I shrugged, trying to pretend it hadn't shaken my already fragile world.

"If you need anyone to talk to I'm here," he offered.

"I'll be fine," I said, brushing his help off. I was still hurt by the fact they had lied.

I walked past him out the bathroom and made my way downstairs. I briefly saw Reece standing beside Aiden. The pain in the middle of my chest spread. Reece's eyes met mine and I saw regret but I was still feeling too raw to be able to pretend they hadn't all lied to me.

My gaze shifted form Reece to Aiden. His looked at me like he knew me but to me he was a stranger. I turned away from him. Not only was I hurting, I was hurting the people who cared about me. Aiden cared about me but I wasn't that same person, and no matter how hard I wanted to remember, I didn't.

Plastering a fake smile on my face I flashed it as I made my way into the kitchen to find a drink.

For a moment I hesitated before I filled the glass and took a big gulp. The alcohol burned down my throat and I gasped, my hold on the bottle of tequila tightened. Feeling my emotions start to bubble to the surface I took another gulp of the emotion numbing alcohol. This time it didn't burn as much.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before releasing it. I set the bottle down on the table and with my glass in my hand I turned to face Adonis.

He took in the half full glass of alcohol I held.

"It isn't going to help," he told me stepping forward to take the glass from me but I held it protectively to my chest.

"It helps." My voice was a whisper. When I was drunk the didn't feel the aching hole inside of me.

He had no idea how lost I'd felt and there had been times that only the harsh taste of alcohol had numbed the emotions and feelings I couldn't stand to deal with. He dropped his outreached his hand when I wouldn't give him the glass.

"Let me help you," he asked. He had a way of pulling at my heart strings. But I couldn't help myself, I took another gulp of my glass. My gaze held his disapproving one as I swallowed the liquid. I bit down on my lip.

The reality the only way to fix me would be for me to remember and he couldn't help me with that. No one could.

"You're not supposed to be drinking while you taking your medication," he said, trying another angle to get me to stop.

"You sound like my parents," I replied dryly.

"If you stopped acting like a child then I wouldn't have to act like a parent," he replied fiercely, taking me by surprise.

My mouth opened as I stood there in shock. He had never spoken like that to me ever. Tears stung my eyelids while I tried to keep him from seeing how his words had affected me.

"Why are you being so irresponsible?" he said, laying into me. His eyes darkened with anger.

"You have no idea what I've been throug-"

"You've been through a lot but that is no excuse to use alcohol to work your way through it. We've all been through a lot." He added, his anger still strong.

"You didn't go through surgery, you didn't nearly die."

I swallowed my emotions down. He studied me.

"No I didn't but that doesn't mean the last few months haven't been hell." He raked a hand through his hair before letting out a deep breath. The rugged tiredness in his features struck at something inside of me.

Months of hell. It made me feel guilty for forgetting about what we had.

"I'm sorry I forgot you," I whispered. I still loved him so much even though in my mind I'd never been more to him that his best friend's little sister despite what he told me and the kiss we'd shared.

"It's not your fault," he said taking a step closer to me but I was feeling too emotional to want to be any closer to him so I took a step backward. He frowned when he took the action in.

"If I could remember then all of this would stop," I argued. Feeling angry because my mind had failed me.

He wanted to argue with me but he pressed his lips tightly together. He knew as well as I did that I was telling the truth. If I hadn't lost my memories than we probably would have been happily dating rather than wrestling with the unknown reality that I would never remember and what that meant for the both of us.

"Alcohol is just going to make things worse," he told me, his tone gentle.

My hold on my glass tightened. I needed it to cope and I wasn't ready to give it up. Even his concerned expression wasn't enough for me to hand the glass to him.

"You don't understand." I felt so lost.

I took another sip of the liquid. Adonis shook his head.

"What did you expect to happen when you told me about us?" I asked, curious to what he'd expected.

He brushed his hair out of his face.

"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "This isn't really about me though."

I frowned, not quite understanding what he was getting at.

"This is about you. You wanted to know," he explained. "If I thought that keeping it from you was the best thing for you I wouldn't have said a word and I would have suffered through it."

It made me feel worse. He was willing to do what was best for me.

In that moment I hated myself for putting him through this and for what I was going to put him through. I felt like I was spiralling out of control and nothing could stop me.

"I thought being able to figure out what I'd lost would help me with this horrible feeling of loss but it hasn't."

In fact it had made things worse. Not only was I struggling with my emotional turmoil I would be reminded each time I saw him of what I'd lost. I loved him and he cared for me, it should be easier but it wasn't. How could I trust in his feelings when I couldn't remember how it had happened?