"Broken" | Ryden

Chapter Three

In the morning, Ryan demanded an explanation. Brendon didn't even have much time to wake up. He let out a yawn before facing Ryan.

"I just don't want something bad to happen to us," Brendon admitted. "What if we date, and everything just goes wrong? I don't want to lose you, like I've lost everyone else."

Ryan huffed. "Love is a risk, you doofus. It's all about taking chances. I'm not like the others, you know that."

It was true. Ryan was close to him already, had been his friend for at least two years now. Ryan might be accepting, might not even see it as a big deal.

"I know," Brendon replied. His voice was weaker, as he opened up. "It's just... The reason my past relationships haven't worked out is because I tell them this one thing about me, this one secret, if you will, and it changes everything. They don't want to fight, to push through it."

"Brendon," Ryan said quietly, sounding as gentle as could be. "They missed out, okay? Nothing you could say changes the way I feel about you. Nothing."

Brendon opened his mouth, about to push the words out of his mouth, but stopped himself. He can't. He can't watch Ryan's kind eyes no longer look that way. He doesn't want to see the confusion, the sudden reluctance.

Brendon wants him to be different, but he knows he won't be.

"I'm sorry," he said instead. "I can't tell you."

Ryan looked disappointed. "I understand," he replied. "Just keep me in mind, please? I want you to know I won't judge you for whatever this is."

Brendon smiled at him. Even though Ryan doesn't know the half of it, the fact that he's so understanding makes him feel hopeful. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

Ryan smiled back. "No problem."

---

Everything is back to normal. Ryan fits himself back in as just his best friend, but he sends Brendon reminders that he wants more.

It's shown in the gentle touches, the smiles sent his way, the loving whispers in his ears. Ryan acts like his boyfriend but without the title.

Soon, Brendon will have to tell him. Ryan will eventually demand the truth out of him, and Brendon hopes it doesn't get to that point.

But the fact is, Brendon doesn't get the chance to tell him. Someone else starts talking.

An old ex of his, Jason, started to spread a rumor about him. The problem was, the rumor was the truth.

Jason told everyone that the reason nobody bothered to stay with Brendon was because he didn't help their sexual needs. In fact, Jason added, Brendon had no interest in it. Brendon was asexual.

Brendon was furious when he found out Jason had done this. To him, being asexual didn't seem like a big deal, but to everyone else, it was.

He wasn't normal to them. Having very little sexual desires was insane. The whole world ran on sex, and the notion that Brendon didn't care for it was unsettling.

Brendon was broken. He was wrong. He was not right.

People looked at him differently now, and it made him feel awful. Nobody had given him this shit when he showed his interest in guys, because these days, being gay was common. Maybe not acceptable to some people, but it wasn't unheard of like asexuality.

Brendon knew it should've stayed a secret.