Nefarious Shadow
wonderland_explorer3
presents her book:
Distant Stars
The previously featured Teen Fiction novel (that is now completed, congratulations!), is a story about a girl with a phobia and boy with secrets. Together, they can hopefully help one another.
The cover was cute (as were the previous ones) but the title was hard to see, the font thin and color blending well into the background. The blurb was nice and we liked how it included comments. A longer description would be nice, though. Add a few tension building sentences, maybe a couple of questions at the end.
The first thing that we noticed going
in were the run-on sentences. They weren't so bad that it would deter a lot of readers but it did make it a bit difficult to read. The flow became complicated. If a sentence can be cut in half, then do it. It'll help with your flow. Shorter sentences increase tension
as well.
There were a few grammar issues, mostly around the dialogue. If there's a sentence before the person speaks, it's usually best to put a period instead of a comma, especially if there'll be a comma after the person
speaks.
Try reading your sentences out
loud. Periods allow you to take a breath and commas a short inhale/pause. If you run out of breath, it's best to
cut it up.
The characterization was amazing!
The FMC is definitely set apart from other main characters and we got that right from the beginning. One thing we'd like to point out is that at first, when we get to read her thoughts, it's in italics. Those italics then
go away.
There wasn't much else
we felt the need to say as we're still going to be reading through the rest of Distant Stars, but the story is great. Some editing would go a long way.
We'll come back to this.
YOU ARE READING
Nefarious Book Club
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