The Darkness Within

Chapter 3 - Back to School

(This will be in present tense, but it still takes place in the past.)

Over the past few days I finished spray painting my rooms and setting everything up. Today I had to go shopping for some more cloths and tomorrow I start up school again. I was called downstairs so that my parents could drive me to the mall and when we got there they dropped me off and left. I put my headphones on and started playing music. While I was walking people stared at me, probably because I had dark green and black hair and that I was wearing all black, but I ignored the stares. What really annoyed me was that people gave me judging looks or that they moved their kids away from me.

I noticed another group of people walking and they all gave me sympathetic looks because of everybody else, but they didn't do anything but upset me. I hate it when people feel pity for me or judge me, so I just ignored the group of people and walked on. I took all the stares in stride and got bought all the things I needed, which included a new backpack and school supplies. Around six o'clock I got a text from my parents saying 'Just finished up dinner. Hope you ate. We're coming to get you, so finish up shopping.' I just responded with 'k' and walked to the entrance of the mall.

Once I reached the entrance their car pulled up Mom and Dad were up front and Brandy was sitting behind Dad. I walked around the car and sat behind Mom who was driving. Once my door was shut they were off, but what they didn't realize was that my seat belt wasn't working, but then again I didn't care. I went the whole way home without my seatbelt on, and luckily nothing happened. I grabbed my bags and went to my room to put my cloths away. Once they were all put away in the proper area I went to bed and had the oddest of dreams.

~~~~DREAM~~~~

I was standing alone down on dark path and it was raining. I didn't feel the rain, and I wasn't getting wet. There was nobody else with me in the rain and there were no buildings. I looked ahead and there was three paths. One through buildings and it was crowded, the second was a forest but the rain got through the trees, and the third and final path was just like where I was standing. Each path had a name. The first path through the buildings was Leo, the second through the trees was Alice, and the last path that was lonely and dark was named Lucifer.

I knew these three names far too well. They were the names to the voices in my head. Leo was the nicest, he made it seem as if I was never alone and that I was protected and safe, but he also had a dark side. He would make me feel like there was somebody with me when I was alone, or like somebody wanted to hurt me or was judging me, Leo also made me feel vulnerable at times.
Alice could be nice at times, but she rarely ever was. When she was nice she would make sure that I cared for myself in the smallest of ways, but when she wasn't being nice she would make sure that I'd avoid caring for myself at all costs. She made sure I'd hurt myself or that I'd starve myself by talking myself into it or by making me think it was the only choice.
Finally the worst but the best of them all... Lucifer. Here's the thing Lucifer could be the nicest or the cruelest. He made me feel loved and protected. He made me feel safe and warm, Lucifer would make me care for myself and would understand if I didn't want to for the time being, but would be sad. But when he wanted to, he could be horrible. He'd make me hurt myself just to see the blood or make me cut myself so deep I'd feel the pain. He'd make me starve myself for weeks, months even. He didn't care if I wanted to care for myself he'd talk me out of it. He'd whisper in my ear "Do you really deserve to care for yourself? Think about it. What did you do to earn it? You deserve a punishment for thinking this way. Come on, you know you do." If I don't listen at first he gets louder and madder. If I eat when he wants me to starve he screams into my ear, "Throw it up now! Don't listen to what others have to say you idiot!!" Sometimes I can fight his voice, but it's painful and I get a major headache or I feel pain for no reason at all.

I looked at the paths ahead of me... and I chose Lucifer's. He might choose to be nice to me for once. I mean, who knows? I started walking down the path. At first I was slow, but I slowly started picking up my pace. I started to shiver and I felt a presence, but I didn't worry. I knew who this was, it was Lucifer. He was trying to warm me, so he hugged me.

"Why?" He asked me. "Why have you been starving yourself Shadow?" I looked down in shame.

"You know why... I'm ugly and fat Lucifer. You said so yourself, well the other half of you did..." He looked sad, but then started flickering. Within seconds the handsome, blue eyed Lucifer I love disappeared and he was replaced with a handsome, red eyed Lucifer.

"That I did. And I was right. You are ugly, and fat, but you're also useless, and stupid." Every time he said something that would hurt me his voice sounded more static-like and echoed. He had backed away previously, but now he was taking small steps closer to me with every insult. The thing is they hurt from Lucifer, Alice, and Leo, the insults hurt coming from them.

"I know. You told me, and I believe you. I'm doing this for you Lucifer. What should I do now?" He started thinking. It's been four days since he told me to not eat, and I haven't been able to since he told me.

"Well.. It hasn't been that long since I told you to starve yourself. So keep going..." I sighed in relief thinking that's all he wanted. "But I also want you to do fifty cuts on each wrist and on each of your thighs. Understood?" I gulped, they can be shallow. "You know I can read your mind. After all.. I live here. I want each and every cut to be as deep as you can make it."

"...Okay.. I understand."

"Sleep well and don't forget fifty on wrists and thighs." I nodded my head and everything faded to black. I had the most restless sleep ever.

~~~~DREAM~~~~

I woke up at three in the morning. Great, just great. I got up and went over to the bathroom. Luckily I didn't have any new razor blades in my collection and they were all pretty dull, at least that's what I thought. When I opened the bathroom door I saw a brand new box of extremely sharp razor blades. On top of it was a note from Brandy. It read, 'I had a dream. In it I met somebody said that he'd heard you talk about me before and that you guys were really close friends. He told me how you needed new razor blades, but you couldn't afford them, then he told me which kind to get. I'm only doing this once you stupid idiot.' Oh god... Somehow Lucifer got to him..

1315 Words
Let me know if I need to fix anything. Again sorry for yet another crappy chapter. Also leave a comment so I know who's reading this please. I understand if you don't want to though and I'll be chill with that.