✩☠ Distorted Memories | Miz Cracker X Aquaria | AU ☠✩

Apologies Won't Fix Me

Warning: cute heavy smut and mild descriptions of self hate

Miz gives me joy 💞💚

Miz

I quietly placed the box down on my bed and walked out, closing my door, making sure I make no sound. My hands brushed my pyjama bottoms and I walked to my mother's door, opening it slightly. I saw her lying peacefully, but not showing any signs of being asleep-

"Get out." She muttered, making me quickly close the door.

"Mommy." I said in a whisper, hearing her groan and sigh.

"I said get out!" She emphasised, sitting up and shooting me a glare.

"I can't sleep! Not knowing I hurt you! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I tugged my sleeve and heard her scoff.

"You think it's so easy, don't you?" She said painfully.

"What?"

"You think getting back with someone is so simple? And I can't believe you actually thought about calling her or finding her and bringing her back here to my house!" She took deep breaths and I felt myself panic and I couldn't stop myself from feeling a horrible guilt inside of me grow.

"I'm sorry! Please don't hate me!" I begged with my eyes, feeling tears dwell in them, my mother's figure blurred and my knees trembled.

"I'm not falling for that! It's just another guilt trip!" She struck me with her words like knives in my heart. I shook my head violently.

"No! No-"

"Get out of my face!" My mother's spat, gesturing a fierce hand to the door. Was it really that bad what I did? Did I mess up that terribly!?

"Mommy don't do this to me! Its not fair!" I mourned, feeling tears roll down my chin.

"Not fair!?" Her tone turned cold, a slight laugh escaped her mouth. "Perhaps if that stupid Aquaria slut didn't come into your life, things would be so much fairer!" She screamed. My heart stopped-- my eyes dilated and more tears streamed down my hot cheeks, a few dripping onto my thumbs. My teeth bared behind my lips and I burst into sudden tears, I couldn't breathe; my throat tightened and my heart burned. I couldn't be here anymore, I ran out, and slammed my door shut, leaping into my bed and crying muffled cries into my pillow. I should have known I would have only made things worse, because I'm a mistake, that's all I am, a mistake that my mother felt sorry for and thus took care of me because she never loved me, she only pitied me; if my original parents didn't want me then I should have known my mother now would have gotten tired of me too.

Am I that worthless?

I heard a voice cry into my mind. I bit down into the fabric of the pillow, my tears absorbing and soaking it. My door creaked open, and I shot my head around to see Aquaria look at me with a confused expression, combined with tiredness.

"A-aquaria!" I sobbed, opening my arms out, hoping she would just fall into them. She gasped and quickly closed the door, before walking to me fast and wrapping her arms around me tightly.  "Aquaria! My mom hates me! I messed up so bad!" I whined and she hushed me, her hand clasping my hair and petting it.

"Shh, baby girl, I'm sure she doesn't-"

"She does! I don't want to be here anymore!"

"What do you mean!?" Aquaria cupped my cheeks, my tears never stopped falling. "I heard screaming and I thought you were in danger! I didn't think you were arguing!"

"I don't think my mother wants me here anymore..." I said with my broken voice.

"I do." Aquaria pressed her nose into mine, but I couldn't smile, it was like everything was just black and miserable now. Without my mother I'm just worthless and lost with no direction.