Maybe

Warning: Major Character Death
One Shot

It's been a long time.
It's been nine years.

But no amount of time could make this hurt less. No amount of time could make me let you go.

No amount of miles.

No amount of years.
Nothing could dim your memory.

I still feel the sand underneath my feet.

I still hear your voice.

I felt alive with you. You made me understand what it was like to live.
And you made me understand what it was like to love. I loved you.

You were painted in the brightest of colors, breathtaking shades of blue, bright shades of orange, fireworks behind your eyes.

And I never thought that the lips that sang such beautiful words could ever form the word goodbye.

I never thought you'd walk out.

And you were bathed in the sunset; nothing could faze you. You were everlasting, carved in the stars.

Your name on my lips was like summertime. Caramel apple dreams and raindrops on my tongue.

A metaphor for my youth.

And I thought that unlike my youth, you'd last.
But nothing good lasts.
Nothing gold can stay.

And I'm still hoping that I'll come home and you'll be in the kitchen making dinner or in your room playing your guitar. The room I left untouched, just the same as it was before.

And I come home and you aren't there. And part o me never expected you to be. Part of me knows that you aren't coming home.

But a part of me forgets. I'll be on the way back from a night out with the guys and I'll be so excited to see you. I'll think of you in your room, laughing and scribbling in your notebook.

And I'll be at the store and I'll think "Ryan will love these I should get them for him"
And I do. I come home and I go to give them to you and then I realize you're not there.

And it hurts just like it did before.

Maybe I dreamt this up
Maybe when I get home you'll be there and you'll ask me why I'm crying.

Or maybe I'll crash this car and I'll never know if you're there.
The tears don't fall; they stay poised on my cheeks.

And I wish you'd ask me why I was crying. But you aren't there.

And when I get home.

You aren't there either.

And I walk around in a daze; lost.
And I don't realize that I'm looking for you. 

And I wander the hallways at night, sleepless and sad.
Missing something I never had.

They tell me it'll get better.
But it won't.

I keep hoping you'll be on your room.

I keep hoping I'll here you laugh.

And I'm just as hopeful now.

Maybe you'll be there when I get home.
Maybe you've been there all along.

Maybe I'm the one who's missing.

Maybe this time will be different.

Maybe it won't hurt.

Maybe you've been home waiting for me.

Maybe you're still waiting.

Maybe the clocks are just ahead of time.
By a few hours.
By a few days
By a few months
By a few years.

Maybe you're just running late.
Caught in traffic.

Maybe you'll be home soon.

It might be okay.

I roll my head to the side; holding my head on the windshield. I taste lemon drops.

You loved lemon.

I don't cry.
I just try to sleep.
Maybe
Just maybe

You'll be alive when I wake up.

Maybe you're still waiting.