Tack - Mad Like a Fox

"You're nothing short of mad!" the fat man yelled "You know they all mean to kill you. Every man, woman and child that can swing a blade is after the head of Tack."

The shorter man that walked next to him could only smile at first.

"That's you ya' know!"

Tack took in a sharp, mocking breath. Mouth agape.

"And yet you continue to follow me onward.Why is that?" 

A smile broke into the corner of his mouth as he turned to look at his large friend. He of course already knew the answer to question. Curiosity. Sheer childlike, and sometimes foolish, curiosity.

"Because you're my friend of course!" the fat man almost seemed offended "And I mean to watch out for you no matter the cost."

No matter the price is what you really mean.

"And I'm lucky to have you. Why if I hadn't met you this morning I don't know where I'd be right now, but I imagine I'd be there a full head shorter." He added a dash of sincerity for good measure, though he doubted it was necessary with someone as stupid as his rotund follower.

"By the way, it occurs to me that in our haste we have forgotten to make our proper introductions. To forego having to refer to you as something innapropriate I would gladly like to know your name."

Though I will gladly create a series of names for you.

"Why my name is Charles Ugg." He said proudly, sucking in his gut and lifting his chin, "But people tend to call me Chug." Pride gone, gut reinflated.

Tack had to use every ounce of self-control to keep from laughing in the man's face.

Instead he tried to lighten the mood. He placed a palm on the man's large belly. "Chug will be easier to remember."

Chug remained silent with a confused smile overtaking is face.

"And what do they call you?"

Tack quickly reached out and snagged the rolled up paper hanging from Chug's back pocket. He unrolled it and held it up to his face. On top it read "Wanted" and contained a very unflattering picture of your's truly. On the bottom in big bold print it read "Tack".

The big man forced a nervous smile. "Oh...right. My apologies."

Tack kept an intense gaze focused on Chug's greasy face. 

"I guess I forgot to toss that out." Chug hastily responded. He hated being stared at in such a manner and found it hard to keep his composure in situations such as these. "I don't even remember why I had that to be honest." 

Tack took notice of the large man's throat. His adam's apple bobbing up and down with nervous swallows. He wondered in the man would choke on his own spit before giving up the charade. Over the years it had almost become a game to him to see how often a hard stare and verbal reposte could overcome any form of iron and steel. A silver tongue is also quite sharp and a fair deal quicker.

"Wait! I remember!" Chug almost sounded shocked, though for a man this dimwitted to remember anything surprise seemed quite natural. "I was tearing them down. It made me sick to see such a travesty of justice. To think we live in a world where a man's severed head could be exchanged for a pile of gold" 

Tack smiled and unlocked his sight from Chug's sweating face.

Enough fun for now. Next he would tell me the god's made him do it.

"Well I thank you for your honorable gesture, my dear, fat friend. The world truly suffers with the absence of people like you." He patted Chug on the shoulder, allowing an innocent smile to hide his suspicion. "And with that, let us carry onward to safety." He took a quick glance at the sky.