Burned to Ashes

Chapter Fourteen

I warmed my hands before the fire, my fair skin suddenly cold beneath my fingertips. The night has drawn on sleeplessly, my gray eyes wide and restless. I had come back to my chambers to meet the eyes of the rebellion, all of them waiting eagerly for me to tell them what had happened with the crown prince. I did not want to talk about it. It was not because I was afraid to, or because I did not want to, but rather because if I said it, it would become real.

I don't know when I started to care about Lyle; about his wellbeing. But I do. It left a sour taste in my mouth. After everything he has done I should hate him. In some ways I do. I hate what his father has made him become.

I had told everyone to leave—that I needed my rest and I would tell them everything in the morning. When Xavier stayed behind I knew that our conversation was inevitable.

His bright blue eyes held my gaze sternly. "What happened between you and my brother?"

I cast my gaze downward preferring to stare at my feet.

"I knew I should not have let you go down there." He huffed the words loudly, flicking a piece of blond hair out of his eyes. "What did he do?"

"Xavier, I do not wish to talk about it. You can find out tomorrow morning along with the others." I wanted desperately to be alone.

"Tell me Kalea." His words seemed more like a command. "He is my brother."

I sneered, my lips pulling back from my teeth. "Clearly."

A flash of hurt crosses his pale face. I regretted it immediately.

We didn't share many words after that before he fled, his anger reminding me of an upset child. I will apologize, I tell myself, I just need to be alone. Scorching pain seers through my hand, my fingers getting too close to the fire. I pull my hand away quickly, holding it close to my chest. I had changed into sleeping attire, the long black silk grazing my ankles.

Everything is beginning to overwhelm me, and I cannot be the only one. The thought of escaping the castle entices me yet fears me at the same time. We will need a lot more help to pull it off, and if we do make it out then where will we go? Back home? To Kelden? I would love nothing more than to return, to see my father and my own bed. My own crown. But I am not a fool. I know everything will be different from how I remember it. Kelden is torn by war, Bertheriums clutches on the country tighten every minute that I am here; and I can't help but feel that I am to blame for my peoples suffering. Just because my father wanted me to flee does not mean that I should have. I realize my father for what he is. A man with a crown that is too big, too heavy. I have tried to be angry with him for the decisions he has made, but if I were in his position would I have done any better? I can't answer. But I owe it to my people to make it out of here alive, to return to my kingdom. I fled for my own safety, but I will be returning for anything but. I will be returning for them. Strength courses through my veins and I know that I can do this. I know I can win. But I will need help, and a lot of it.

I stand, my long legs holding firm as I make my way towards the bed, flipping the silk sheets aside. The bundle of nerves in my chest fades as I lay down, the silk caressing my body, filling me with warmth. I think of Allister, his muscled body lying next to me in a cot far too small for us. It only hurts to think of these things, yet I still find myself dreaming of his brown eyes or thinking about the way his warm breath tickles my neck. I know he is here, somewhere in the castle, I just don't know where. And I am glad. If I knew, there would be nothing stopping me from seeing him. Nothing stopping me from holding his face in my hands. The sigh I release rattles my rib cage, the thought too painful to bare.