Coming Out

I wake up with a gasp for air, my hands clenched on my chest as if I could restart my heart on my own. I've just had a horrific nightmare that closely resembled Edgar Allan Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart. Struggling to catch my breath, I reach over from the left side of the bed to the right to grab the inhaler that is sitting on the nightstand. I take a life-saving puff and hold it in my lungs for a few seconds, trying to calm myself down.

The monster under my bed. The body under the floorboards. My guilt, anxiety, call it what you wish. It's too strong, so much that I can't escape it, not even in my sleep. Oh, how I wish it would leave me. Leave my life. Leave me alone. However, I know it will never leave until I let it out. I can't let it out, though. I don't know if I ever can. This is going to be extremely tough.

I think about it for a few minutes. Then minutes turn to hours. Hours into days. Finally, I think to myself, so many other people have done the same thing that I am so afraid of. I cannot let this monster eat me alive and ruin my life. So here I go. I'm going to do it. Today. If I can get my feet to move me from my bedroom to the living room.

I finally got my feet to move and I ended up in the living room, five feet away from my destination. I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell my dad that I am a girl who likes girls. How will he respond? What will he say? I can't know until I do it. Can I pay someone else to do it for me? No! I must do this on my own. So here I go.

I walk to the door of his home office. The door is open, so all I have to do is speak, "Hey, dad." "Hi, baby, what's up?" he responds. "Nothing much, it's just that I've had something on my mind for the longest time and I figured it was time to let it be known," I started. "I'm just going to come out with it," I sighed, "I like girls... as well as guys. I've known for a long time, but I wasn't exactly sure what to call it or how to deal with it. However, now I know that this is who I am, and I don't want to be anyone or anything else."

I stood there for a minute, awaiting his response, when he finally said, "Honey, I don't care who you love, that's up to you, the only things that matter are that you know who you are, you're happy, and you know that your mother and I love you so much, no matter what. You can love who you want to love as long as they make you happy and treat you like the beautiful woman you are."

I am in shock. At this point, I can't even remember what I was so worried about. I know that my dad loves me no matter what and that he would never be disappointed in me for something as simple as loving a girl. I am so happy that I decided to come out to my dad. This is a great day.

June is pride month; truly a great month to be part of the LGBTQ+ community. I hope to tell my story so that girls and boys, men and women, and many others can feel comfortable in their skins and around their families while knowing who they are and who they love. This experience has taught me that I should not hide myself out of fear of being rejected by the world or my family. I have also learned that I should not read Poe before going to bed.