Falling

Typical Day

   "WHAT IS THE POINT ANYMORE?!" I screech in my head.

   What happened?

   Oh, y'know.

   Just happened to drop my pencil during class.

   And it wasn't just a typical drop - oh, no, of course not. I was fiddling with it and it flew halfway across the room.

   Out of nowhere.

   Great.

   I sigh, standing, and make eye contact with Ariana. She's laughing a suppressed laugh, trying to not make any noise; it's not working, and as I glare at her, she laughs harder, drawing even more attention to us. As if my hurling a pencil across the room during the dead silence of a trigonometry test didn't accomplish that much. I pull my eyes away from hers as I reach the pencil's landing spot and bend over to grab it. As I stand up straight again, I feel the class's eyes on me; I turn around quickly and catch several of the guys and two girls in the act.

   Now I'm not the best-looking girl in the school. My short, unruly, mouse-brown hair and acne scars don't do me any favours; my wrists are way too small; my thighs do "the thing" when I sit, and I can banish any thoughts of ever having a thigh gap; I've got worse eyesight in my right eye than my left so my metal wayfarer glasses always end up slightly tilted; my collarbones, jaw, and cheekbones are too sharp; I've got a half-dollar sized birthmark on the back of my left calf; my left hand's all screwed up from violin, with everything from callouses on the tips of my long fingers to never being able to grow my nails out... The list goes on. But what really gets on my nerves is what's happening right now. Every time this happens it just proves that some people don't care what you look like; as long as you have flesh and aren't some "freak", they have to stare at your ass and fantasise. And right now, even as I'm wearing an extremely non-revealing outfit consisting of a plain crimson t-shirt and blue jeans, they're staring.

   I'm glad you guys think I'm a walking sack of meat for your entertainment.

   I glare viciously at them, and there's mixed reactions, but I don't pay them any mind. I just march angrily back to my seat and finish the test.

                                                                                    >>>+<<<

   "No, I'm not going to calm down! Life is shitty enough without fucking assholes like them."

   "Language!"

   "Ariana, as if you watch your language."

   "That's different."

   "It's really not."

   "Yeah, well, piss off."

   "See?!"

   "Whatever," she says, rolling her eyes. "It's not like they're actually going anywhere outside of this small town." I glance around; we're outside, walking back to our respective houses. There's no one around but us.

   "Is there hope for any of us?"

   "Not really."

   "That makes me feel so much better about life." My right arm brushes against her left as I switch my 'briefcase' if schoolwork to my left hand.

   "Really though. As much as I wish I could buy into that childhood wish of attaining your dreams, it just doesn't seem possible anymore."

   "Yeah, I guess."

   "What does that mean?"

   "Well, I guess, I'd still like to believe that there's hope out there."