Dear Tara,
Had a good conversation with Jacob. That has been a tricky relationship, but hopefully now that he has moved out of the parents house, the dynamics will change.
I've been doing the MFT counseling for myself on and off since 16. More on since 19 on because I knew when I needed to talk to someone, I've always gone to the professionals when I sensed the world was too big for me, which is a gift to be able to know.
I'm a big people person and socializer. In general I love people. I have this incredible gift in the writing, I just have to use it wisely and not "for evil". I love that Heather is similar to me in some regards. As teachers, and she is a writer a bit too, just a very different kind, we analyze and observe everyone around us intimately. As soon as I go anywhere if I have the space and interest to see outside myself, I've created a story about who everyone is around me and why.
A lot of what writers do they feel, I do, is tell the truth. However, our perception of truth is just that, our own perception. And why we feel a certain way, people, is the core of the writing. Getting out an emotion. Throwing a concept on its head and studying the dodecahedron from every angle, vertices, face, edge...
Been going in addition to couples counseling since Nov. That, coupled with my own and teaching has been the missing link to learning how to communicate with others.
I've had some great writing correspondence relationships with people. Maybe we will develop one in here.
Facebook blurbs:
Me: My brother is a twat, I really wish he were human. But alas, he is not. Can I trade him in for a good one? Please?
Lawyer: Yes. Brothers come with money back guarantees.
Me: I will simply have to eat his penis pasta, cannellini beans, and olive oil I brought him, mostly per request, from Etaly.
Ann: Wow! Your brother is a vagina?
Me: haha! Yes! He SO sucks. I'm perky, happy, lalala...and interacting w him is like being punched in the gut emotionally, most of the time.
Parker: Here's to hoping he grows up... someday.
Me: Thanks Parker. I wanted to get them a $30 house warming gift, or just visit w his bf Steve. Jacob, who's got "crazy sch" won't allow, nor Steve to even pick out container store stuff w/o his permission. So...I tried upwards & onwards!
Ann: Give him a chill pill. Hahaha!!! I don't think you should eat his penis though. That's going a little too far. I'll take his housewarming gift if he can't be grateful. Geesh!
Dear Ann,
Seriously about his gifts. The pasta was added cause, he's gay and they are funny.
It has been a rocky relationship with my family. The dynamics are amazing. I say I have a relationship with them because of at least twenty one years of Marriage, Family, Counseling therapy I've had. Jacob moved "back home" seven years ago. Then I had not only his "couple times a year mishegas" (craziness), I had my moms. She considers Jacob to be like our grandfather, who was very angry and moody all throughout my mom's growing up. Grampa has been a cute old man to me and for me, now sitting solely in a rocking chair this past decade. But he was quite cruel verbally and has a gnarly temper. Partly just due to genetics.
So mom would "parentalize" me and call me and tell me about her divorce level stress she was under having Jacob live in her home. She loves him to pieces, but he is very difficult on a good day. Which to me is capsulized in the decisions he's made over the years.
I let myself go to sleep at seven and now am up for a bit. I called him back, and thanks to my couples counseling I've been doing with Will (on top of my being a teacher and own counseling I do) I've learned some great communication techniques. The missing piece to going at counseling alone, working with another person.
I'm a huge fan of therapy!
Thanks for "listening".
-Tami R.-
Ann:
Phone number? Maybe we can talk sometime.
Me:
home 344.523.7536
Ann: We will talk soon. Sorry you are going through that BS. Shame on your brother.
Me: Ya.
I have learned that we are each 50% culpable for our relationships with others, but it has been a weighty burden I feel.
But if he and I can improve our relationship now that he has finally moved out of the house...there's hope for the Middle East
Ann: I love my siblings but I don't connect with them very well due to religious beliefs, I think. It sucks!
Me: I went to sleep at 7 pm and am up now.
Interestingly, Will was Mormon til he was 16.
His siblings have had their share of differences with the religion.
His brother stepped away from the fold a few years ago
Ann: They definitely stick hey their own kind.
By instead of hey.
Me: yes. it is kind of like a cult, but I see it helps a lot of people, so that is okay.
My family seems to have been deeply religious Jews until the Holocaust killed them all off. My maternal great grandfather was still after the war deeply religious. But none of his children were.
Turns out my father was brought up fairly religious until his dad passed when he was twelve he says now. I had no idea, we were brought up on Judiasm Light :)
