depressed || cancelled (!!)

3

A/N
just wanted to say that you're all beautiful and deserve everything good that comes toward you ♡
——;

as soon as yoongi had left, you twirl your fingers around eachother thinking about what you had just done.

'it was the right thing to do.' you say in thought.

you sigh lightly and lean your head back against the wall, closing your eyes in the process.

you think about all the happy times you have spent with your friends these past years. how happy you've been around them.

you lift your head back up and slowly stand.

being cautious of not tripping over, you walk to your door and turn the door knob. the door opens and you leave your room, heading downstairs.

you walk into the living room and see all the boys happily playing a video game that just so happened to be on.

you were greeted by jungkook's smile and a huge hug.

"hello, y/n!" jungkook's eyes made a wide smile, causing a little giggle to slip out.

"hi kookie." you release from the hug and go to sit on the floor infront of yoongi who was playing the game with hoseok.

"no fair!" hoseok groaned, leaning back on the sofa in defeat.

"HA! what you get for being stubborn." yoongi proudly says, making silly faces at him.

you watch them having fun, wondering why nobody else has noticed you. though you felt nothing of it since they were playing a game.

quietly, you lay down, but in the process you hit your injured hand onto the solid floor.

you close your eyes tightly as tears form.

'ow, shit' you put the hand over your eyes to cover the tears as they slowly fall down the left and right side of your face.

you lifted your head up a bit and placed it back on the floor, repeating the process.

'how stupid of you.'
'and to think they would've cared.'

you wanted your negative thoughts to stop repeating themselves but you knew that it wasn't that easy. you shake your head over and over.

'i only hit my hand, brain, why are you doing this to me?'

"y/n? you okay?" hoseok asked from across the room.

you nod slowly in response, lifting your head up,
"just tired i guess, today's been a long day." you speak.

"you can go to back to bed if you want, we aren't going to force you to stay down here." jimin said, looking at the tv still.

you responded with a small hum and stood up. you walk out of the room and upstairs into your room, closing the door behind you whilst locking it.

you run to your dresser and pull out a razor blade.

A/N: CONTAINS SELF HARM! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

you slowly roll up your sleeves and place the blade on your wrist.

you push down hard and pull up, making blood drip out of your pale skin.

'please stop... i didn't ask for it to be like this. it wasn't a big dea-'

'SHUT UP! you deserve it, stop lying to yourself.'

as your mind fought with itself, the blood dripped slowly down your arm as you cut again and again, going over some old cuts and scars.

once you felt nauseas, you stopped, wiped the blade onto a tissue and carefully placed the blade back in the dresser.

you headed to the bathroom and cleaned up your arm, your eyes squinting at the pressure that was being put onto your wounds.

WARNING OVER

—; hoseok's pov

y/n headed upstairs after a small hum, they said that they were tired but it was obvious that they were lying. i began to get worried but i didn't want to make it obvious.

"hey guys, i'm going head up to get changed." i say firmly, standing up.

"okay." they all reply individually, and with that, i head upstairs.

i place my ear onto y/n's door, hearing what they might be doing in there. i hear small groans of pain, i got scared and worried and began to tear up from what i thought they could be doing right now.

i knocked lightly on their door. i don't think they heard it so I just left their door to get changed.

it was wrong of me to do, but i didn't want them to get the wrong idea. they might've been having a bad dream. yeah. a bad dream!

—; y/n's POV

you went back into your room and shut the door so that there was a little gap in it.

you fell backwards on your bed and placed your hands on your stomach.

'Why do I make them worry about me? I'm fine.. right?'

———

why am i more motivated to edit the book than update AKSNAJJSA