but you're not a boy

one

I've had a New Years kiss before. Sadly to say, it was quite disappointing. You see, my boyfriend at the time was not really my cup of tea. Some nights he would make me feel appreciated and others not so much. He liked clothing that really didn't do much for him, and it always looked...well...not to sound rude, but his clothing always looked gay. He also really liked to watch Teen Wolf a little too much. In fact, his Teen Wolf binging would now be compared to your average guy's Fortnite binge playing. Long story short, a couple years after breaking up with him, he came out as gay. I'm not the least bit surprised. I was more than positive he had a crush on Tyler Posey. And now my suspicion is confirmed. 

Regardless of this unfortunate occurrence, my next New Years was actually the same way but without the kiss. 

Her name was Remi. Well, I should say that her name is Remi. I just don't talk to her anymore. 

Remi and I became pretty close after my boyfriend and I broke up. I found that I had a lot more time for other things when I didn't have a teenage boy to look after. Many of my old friendships had died off because my priorities were messed up, but Remi never failed to leave my side. 

When we first met, she was late to chemistry class and could care less about it. I still remember the smug little smirk she had on her face as the teacher was like, "Why are you late, Miss Knight?" Little did I know, she was smirking because she had just got done smoking weed in the bathroom and somehow got away with it. I just thought it was so cool how she was so calm and collected. It didn't really bother me that Remi did drugs or anything. She was chill and always there for me after I introduced myself. 

I remember one night when I was crying over some boy that didn't like me back, she said, "Look hon, boys suck. You're just great, so keep your head up. Smoke something to take the edge off." At first, I was thinking she was crazy and of no help. However, I came to realize that that was just her way of saying, "Who cares if boys don't like you? I like you." 

Remi was always wanting to come over to my house. She liked to call me at the most inopportune times and ask for a ride. It was actually annoying, but I got used to it. We would stay up all night and watch old western movies. I actually hated them, but she loved them. Those nights were the best. We were the best. I always thought it strange that we were never at her mom's or dad's house, but I guess they were rough. 

Things didn't go badly until I felt like she was pushing for something more. I didn't sweat it at first. We were close, there was no denying that. But Remi was just so...so attentive to me. Unlike her schoolwork and her family, she actually wanted to talk with me and spend time with me. It wasn't until New Years that I realized what was happening.

New Years night, when I had family and friends over, Remi calls asking for a ride. 

"Please just come and get me, I'll give you gas money this time."

"Remi, I can't. We have guests over. There's no way my mom will let me leave. Have your mom drop you off if you want to be here so badly."

"No. She says I'm grounded. I thought you had my back..."

"It's not that I don't have your back, but this isn't the best time."

"Fine. I just wanted to give you a New Years kiss..."

I didn't hear from her in two weeks. It turns out, she was as high as usual when I was on the phone with her. However, what she was saying was actually what she wanted to say. And it wasn't until I called her about a hundred times that she actually picked up and explained the whole emotional situation. She had told me that she was bisexual, and that she wanted me. And that's when I thought 'I like you, but you're not a boy...'

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[Hi! If anyone ends up reading this, let me know what you think! More to come soon!]