Short Stories/Poems

I Love You, but Fuck You

Yet another night, throwing my belongings at my girlfriend. She, yet again, cheated on me. I know... I know I deserve better. I know I could walk away at any moment. I know I could destroy her world with a single click of the door handle. But I can't. I don't want to. Even though she always comes home drunk, and threatens to hit me. And she has left bruises on my arms from her clasp. Even though when she crawls into the bed at night, I know she wants to be somewhere else. When she grabs my hands and intertwines our fingers, I know she would rather be holding a glass of whiskey. And I know...I know she doesn't love me. But dammit, I love her so much. I look at her eyes and fall in love again everyday. Even if it's in the middle of an argument, and I'm yelling with streams of tears on my face and arms..I somehow find comfort in the broken eyes of a broken person. I see the clear green pools, and somehow find home. A broken home, but that's what I'm used to. I see the bruises on my arms, and tell myself it's okay. It's okay, she's hurt too. I don't blame anything on her, it's all my fault. And even though I love her, so fucking much..I hate her with every fiber of my being. I want to punch her, but also kiss her. I want to pin her to the wall and scream in her face, but I also want to pin her down on the bed and get both of our anger out. She is the embodiment of my worst fears and hatred. But she also carries the very few things I love in this world, right in the palm of her hands. She makes me want to burn the entire fucking world to ashes.. but I want to save everyone in the midst of the fire. She makes me forget about the good, and embrace the bad. She makes me want to cut holes into my arms and tell her to fill them with her soul. I want to protect her, but throw her in the way of a bullet train. I want to hold her under the covers and tell her I love her, but push her into a wall and tell her I hate her. I lover her, but i fucking hate her at the same time.

As much as I want to hurt her..whenever I am feeling the worst, she sits right next to me, and tells me it's okay. She holds me tight, and tells me it's okay to cry.  She has seen the worst of me, and has fought the best of herself. Maybe we're a damaged pair, but at least we're a pair.

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yes this is in the pov of another girl

of course  it's gay, it's me.