How To Color A Rainbow

Chapter 1

Today is one of those days when I wake up early. I take a look at the clock and it's 5.30 am. I realize that I have school as I sigh. I look around my room as I try to remember some good things then I hope I would feel better. But suddenly I feel tears are running out of my eyes. I feel so empty and alone.

Nobody is home. Only me and my desperate self. My dad has gone since a long time ago. My mom, well she already passed away.

I don't really like to remember about my past when I still had my parents, but I'm somehow diving into my own memories. I still remember how my mom smiled at me, how my dad carried me when I was a kid, when my parents watched me playing football, how my dad taught me how to drive a bike, my mom's cooking and her calmly voice when she told me I should eat right after I came home from school.

I also don't forget how my dad left me and my mom. He went to another country and promised me he would come back when I was 7, but didn't even come even just to say good bye to me and my mom. I always have a feeling he already got a new chick there. But I don't care about him at all.

And of course I never forget the best woman I had in this world. She's my mom. My beautiful mom who taught me everything good. I still remember how she looked at me with her smile but now it's all gone. She went away from my life. She passed away when I was holding her after her "friend" shot her with a gun.
I'll never forget about that. My beautiful mom with blood was coming out of her chest was laying her head weakly on my lap, while she was smiling and telling me that I have to be strong and promising me that she would always be with me even I wouldn't see her no more.

It all happened when I was 10. Now I'm already 17. Now I'm only 17 years old girl who lives alone and doesn't have a life at all. Even though my parents left me a lot of money and materials I still am desperate. I already hoped so much for the better but nothing has change. So I decided to stop hoping and live this life like I will die tomorrow. Without happiness, laughter, friends, and all crap I wanted to have.

I keep thinking about everything until I realize that I'll have to prepare stuff for school. I walk closer to my bookshelf and I take some books which I need and then I put it into my backpacker.

I walk closer to my bed again and I sit there. I looked at myself in the mirror. I only wear tank top and underwear, My hair was so messy, my eyes are red because I stayed up until 4 am, my body is so skinny, only bones and skin are left, and there sure are cuts which I made when I wanted to kill myself on my arms.

I know it's so disgusting to talk about how I look but I think I won't cut myself or try to kill myself again. Because I think why should I do that though? I already am dead inside and cutting is only giving me way more pain than I already have. I also don't care about anything at all. I'm just a girl with no soul.

Anyways, I have to change my clothes now. I walk to my bath room and I turn on the shower. I take off all of my clothes and I stand right under the cold shower. I feel all of my body starts to get so cold and I start to shiver. Honestly I really like it, it somehow washes off my sadness a bit.

I let myself enjoy the shower and then I turn it off. I start to dry myself and still feeling so cold. I walk to my wardrobe and I decide to take black clothes as always since I'm like this. I take black hoodie and black pants, then I put them on. And yeah, I know I don't wear anything like those girls. I don't even wear a bra but who cares. No one ever liked me, no one ever looked at me in that way and my cest is flat anyway.

I grab my bag and then I walk to the mirror. I look at myself once again as I put my hair into my hoodie then I walk out of my room. I'm thinking if I should eat or no. But after some seconds I lose my willing to eat and I never have apettite so I better just go to school.

I walk on the street and being cold as I look at those people who walk to school. They look so happy. They're with their friends and some of them with their lover.

Since my school literally next to my house, I arrive there in a couple of minutes. I walk in to the school and then to the cafetaria. I sit on the one of those chair. I still feel so cold so I rub my arms with my hands and hoping I would feel warm soon enough. Suddenly I feel something soft and warm on my back. I wonder what it is for some seconds and then I hear a voice which is really loud and cheerful. "GOOD MORNING DASHIE!!!" And I know it's obviously Pinkie Pie's voice. She keeps hugging me tightly and I start to feel something weird so I instantly stand up and get away from her.

"Uh, morning, Pinks. Sup?"
"Nothing, Dashie. I just wanted to hug"
"Okay"
"Why are you sooo cold, Dashie? Come on we're best friends!"
"I'm not."
"You are."
"I'm not, Pinkie."
"You are."
"No."
"Yes."
"k. Whatever.."
"You've changed, Dashie!"

She runs away right after she said it. I guess I just hurt her witht that crap. God damn it! I hate myself. My words are always cold since the first time I have this kind of life. I often hurt anyone that's why I lose all of my friends.

I remember when they were still with me. We were laughing a lot and also having tons of funs. Now it's all gone. It's because of me. I already lost my sweet and caring friends forever because I told them to go when they tried to stop me cutting myself in the bathroom.
But what can I do? I'm completely alone now. I'm sure I could never get them back. I already hurt Pinkie Pie, and she was the last one who was stick around with me. Now she's gone.

I can't think straight because of it now. Just how awful I am. I try to forget it all as I walk away from the cafeteria. "I got no where now. I don't feel like being in math class so I will skip the first period." I think to myself as I walk. Suddenly I see a girl turning her head down. She looks so familiar, I guess I know who she is.
She looks at me and she tried to talk to me.
"H.. hello."
"Hey, Fluttershy."
"Glad to um see you"
She instantly looks away from me. I kinda got a feeling that she's afraid of me, or maybe she doesn't want to see me no more? I don't know for sure. All I know is all of my friends don't wanna get closer to me ever again.

Anyways I don't care about them and I don't wanna care anymore. I keep continue walking until there's one thing in my mind. Right. I'm going to skip school. This time not only 2 or 3 periods. I will skip the whole periods today.