The Friend

Part 3 (Walking it off)

Four-week days of hang overs and consistently wasting money on weed, the same friend of hers who organized a meeting approached me about an issue she's having! Instantly her friend had my hang over cured once she said her name, I was ready for whatever was needed because I knew if I didn't act on It; my mind would consume me and I wouldn't be able to look at her. Apparently, she was having fundraiser issues in terms of sales and her cousin was in the same boat. I knew how much I had in my bank account and was ready to take out 500 U.S dollars, too cover majority of the expenses. But then I realized the extent of crazy my mind has gone, without thinking twice I was going to make that happen. So instead I did something else I took out forty dollars and purchased red vines and jade powder and began selling quickly I knew my profits would be fifty in a week. Meaning I'd help but at a slow pace, I wasn't Bruce Wayne and shouldn't use money as a tool of trying to get with her. I began selling the very next day and made enough to purchase more inventory and still make money on the side, my idea of creating enough profit to help in some sort of way was my goal of not destroying the peace my mind has established. Deep down inside I knew this was me funding the friend zone but knew she was worth it, she was the friend I'd fund for because If I didn't I would think about it all day. My mind is prison when it came to her and the fact my mind alone is like my metaphorical home, made her the home invader and crush I didn't want cause of the rejection that awaited. I continued the rest of my weekend saying goodbye to my father who took a business trip for two weeks leaving me his house, you can imagine what I would do in his house being alone. The parties that awaited me in the near future meant I'd either be really drunk or really lonely on a mountain side, but as for my teacher's relatives name? I cannot give you her name just yet for this story will end with me with her or without, but regardless of the outcome her name will be revealed. She was my polar opposite that acted like a control for me, she could stun me without trying, she could entertain me with the simplest things, she could make me see and hear nothing but her voice and presence. I never experienced this before but If I could explain it briefly it was stronger than the previous and made me smile, laugh, find peace and hate less. This natural high, this unexplained smile when she replies, the speechless stare when I see her, the equation in which I couldn't solve and wanted her more.

So, a week later we meet again as competitors and friends, at the island wide held science fair competition and we say our greetings and continue concentrating on our projects. Which was a good thing really because she can easily disable my train of thought, but as I stood and awaited I couldn't stop thinking of talking with her and just hearing her voice so I went from a faint attempt of ignoring her into just low key appearing. Conversations of our projects and how we feel about them, and then introducing her too friends and being swayed elsewhere from knowing others. We parted ways temporarily and stood near our boards waiting for judges to appear and my first judge was a tall kind lady with a great smile whom recognized me, I was the kid with a social behavior project and the kid who she liked. So then after my presentation to the first judge I felt very confident and well placed in the competition, suddenly a few minutes later a shorter bald middle age man appeared before me as my judge. I could feel his eyes tear through my board and see errors but I presented as best as I could and he had suggestions in which I could use "never" for this was my last year, and I would not compete in such competitions again but who knows maybe ill use them someday. But after he left I felt lighter and concerned for his scoring would cost me first and second so then I received lunch and sat with my classmates and ate, but as soon as I finished I excused myself respectfully and sat with my teachers relative.

We spoke about how we felt we did and I told her I worried about other competitors and she told me she wasn't as worried just had a great time presenting. Which was expected from her due to her experience and prowess, this girl was really something and just as I said that to a friend she placed first in her category and stunned me into being nearly unable to speak with her and two other friends of mine I met through the science symposium. I felt the failure of my classmates and the emotion of those around me, I felt my teachers pain or what I thought she felt towards us. Her students all had there heads down and felt defeated but in reality, our chances were low in the beginning, but I refused too admit that reality and pushed towards positivity. My anger towards all twenty-one students not placing first was heart breaking and I didn't show up the next day for the award ceremony but distracted myself with friends and good people. I wasn't the Wilson I could be proud of because momentarily I became self-consumed and felt I should placed first but I was spewing out of anger and wishing my teacher could smile and be proud of at least one of us, if not me then someone else!

But regardless of my emotion towards the outcome of my classes work, my emotions towards her were clouded and after it was too late and I realized I wasn't there too support her and my friends for all their work. I let my demons consume me once again and did not enjoy it one bit, in my mind I failed her and my teacher for not showing up and being bigoted towards the results and what should've happened. The same day I had two good friends over, just to kick it and talk a bit and that helped me vent and get anything that weighed heavy on my mind. We laughed and they teased me about my teachers relative, one of them shocked I had a YouTube playlist dedicated to her and the other shocked at the fact I was invested into her and she paid me no mind. I would laugh and act as if it didn't faze me but statically I was losing more and more self esteem