Battle Scars

Soaked In Self Loathing and Tears

I guess he was the only one I could think of when it happened.

My mind clouded with depressed thoughts and old memories, and in the haze, I ran to the only person I could think of.

Tyler's always been there, and I knew he'd be last week.

I still wonder if he regretted opening his door to a boy soaked in his own self loathing and tears.

It took me crying for almost 24 hours until I finally could tell him.

But when I did tell him, it finalized it.

And finalizing it wasn't what I wanted, nor what I needed.

"It'll be okay, Troye." Was the first thing he said, but I knew, he knew, it wasn't going to be the same or anything close to 'okay'.

I stopped eating, because eating reminded me of restaurants and restaurants reminded me of-

Tyler's been trying to get me to eat but I'll only drink, though I can't even look at a wine bottle or glass.

"Troye?" He asked me one day.

"Yeah?"

"Why did he leave you?"

_

"Oliver?" I say.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I tell him, finally finding the courage after 2 and a half years.

And I know how long of a time that is but I needed to know for certain.

He sighs and I furrow my brows.

"What's wrong, babe?" I ask, putting my hand on his knee.

He pushes it off.

That's when I knew something was wrong.

"I-if you need to talk I'm here." I tell him and he shakes his head, no longer looking at me.

"Troye, I... I'm sorry for doing this to you but... I don't want this anymore. I don't want us. I'm just not in love anymore. I think I'd be best if-" I'm already gone, knocking a red wine glass over with my hand on the way out, running away.

-

I gasped when I came back from my flashback and tears were pouring down my face.

Tyler moved over to me, hugged me.

"I'm so sorry for asking. You don't have to tell me." I couldn't help but to sob into his arms, the ugliest sob.

I never knew I was capable of crying so much until these past few days, and deep down I knew Tyler just wanted me to leave him alone and man up.

But I couldn't.

He was, is, my first love and we were together for so long.

It even hurts to think that he knew what he wanted to tell me and he took me out to dinner to do so, knowing fully well that he'd ruin everything for me.

I was rescued from my thoughts when I felt Tyler moving beside me. I turned to look at him and he reached for my hand.

"Come on, let's watch a movie." I grabbed his hand and he pulled me off the couch, leading me to his room before throwing one of his t-shirts and some sweatpants at me to change into for bed.

Once we changed, he spoke up again.

"Ice cream?"

"Yes please." I responded, rubbing my eyes and ruffling a hand through my curls. I sighed as I plugged my phone in and got under his covers, before grabbing the remote and turning on Netflix.

I scrolled for a minute before deciding on 13 Going On 30. I was going to choose The Fault In Our Stars but decided I didn't need to cry any more right now.

Tyler walked into the room with the tub of ice cream and two spoons, getting under the covers while I put on the movie. Once he was settled and the movie was on, I cuddled up to him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, as we opened up the ice cream and forgot about life for a while.

|-/

Hey guys, Favtroyler here. I know we haven't updated this in almost a year but blondietroye and I are back on it! Hope you guys are still interested in this story. I'm sorry that this chapter is so long, it's kind of ended up being a filler chapter. Thanks for reading and drop a comment and maybe a like ❤️