I Killed Electra Heart

Paradise

**Lanas POV**

You know that thirty seconds of complete forgetfulness you feel when you first awake from a deep sleep? you don't know where you are, where you're going, if you're alone in your bed or right next to the one that you love.
Those seconds are so innocent and fragile. But when I woke up with Marina, I always new where I was, where I was going. Every morning knowing I was lying right by the side of the love of my life. On the odd occasion in which Marina would wake before me and leave for work, I'd wake up in our empty bed, but I would never feel alone.

This is the story of us. How i was taught how to love, to love someone so sincerely that you would rather die than ever see them in any discomfort or pain. She taught me how to never doubt myself and to never give up. She gave me strength, she gave me loyalty, and she gave me all of her.

~

June 16th 2015
A sunny day? This surely wasn't on the cards for today? Now it may seem like I'm complaining but believe me, I'm not. I feel such an abnormal bond with the warmth of sunlight, I feel like everything that the sunlight touches is made so much more beautiful than it is when in the cool shade or the cold, damp summer rain. I'm mad about daylight.

I open the curtains and sigh as I looked out sleepily to see my little sister Chuck, sprawled out across the front lawn, her pet cat Marley laid out next to her catching the heat from the sun on his belly. I smile to myself and put a new record in my player. I begin to dress for the day, I throw on a white t-shirt and a pair of my blue Levi jeans, brush my teeth and do my makeup. The time is now around eleven forty-five and I know that it will more than likely do me good to sneak out for a while, to go on a walk to allow myself a few cigarettes and a chance to clear my head for a short while.

I put on my white dirt stained converse and head out of the door. "Where're you going?" I hear as I shut the door behind me. I turn around to see chuck sat in the same place on the grass. "I'm just heading out to marks, I won't be gone too long, just got some college work that he needs to help me with" I reply and shoot a smile at chuck as I walk past her. I ruffle her hair and begin my walk down our street. I'm not dating Mark. Everyone thinks that we're an item, and I know that mark definitely enjoys everyone thinking as such. I know he likes me, I'm not stupid. But to me, he's just a family friend, one of those where your parents adore them but you can't stand one moment with them. Before you know it, your parents are trying their hardest to get you to date him. Ah well.

I keep walking for a mile more until I reach the beginning of the woods, these woods aren't dark and gloomy like the ones that you see in movies and hear about in books. Here, the sunlight gleams through the branches causing everything to look so beautiful and welcoming.

I begin to walk a half mile deep into the woods and I finally reach my destination. I walk out to the patch of grass next to the small lake in the open air. I take my bag off of my shoulder and sit on the grass. The water in the lake is so blue and sparkles in the beaming sun. I come here almost every day, no one knows about it, I have never seen anyone here, let alone in the woods. It's my little, well... big, secret, it allows me to escape from the sad reality of my life.

I light a cigarette and lay back and get comfy, I put my Billie holiday album on and close my eyes as I breath in the first drag that I had been dreaming about since i woke up this morning. Eventually I finish my cigarette and stump it out in the grass next to me, I close my eyes and begin to fall back asleep.

"I don't think I've ever seen such a beautiful place in my whole life, this is paradise". I wake up to hear her voice, so erm, British and proper. I sit up slightly startled and I look around back towards the woods. There's no one to be seen, I turn back around and light another cigarette thinking that I must've imagined the voice of what sounded like an angel. "Do you know those can kill you?"
I hear the voice again but this time I have to look no further than right beside me. There she sits, the girl that owns the angel voice. She looks into my eyes with her big brown eyes. I can't help but stare at her in disbelief, I've never seen someone so beautiful in my entire life. She smiles at me awkwardly and snatches the cigarette out of my hand and takes a drag. I'm still in shock by her and her beauty. "Well?" she laughs with a cheeky smile whilst passing me back my cigarette. "Sorry?" I ask, completely oblivious to what she had just asked. "Do you know smoking can kill you?" She laughs and looks at me again. "Oh" I begin laughing with her. "Yeh I know" I laugh again and we both continue giggling.

I wish I'd known back then that it wouldn't be the smoking that would  really kill me. But it would be her. She'd be the one eventually killing me in the most wonderful yet destructive ways. I just didn't know it yet...