Pokemon - From the Brink

Chapter 10 - What's Inside

"Phew." Nelly sighed as we returned to our dorm room. "That place was crowded."

"Yeah..." I shut the door behind us and pulled my tie off, placing it on the bed next to me as I sat down heavily.

We would be facing North America soon. Of course, that was important, but there were other things flying through my head all at once that made it hard to think about any one thing.

"Hmm..." Nelly reached behind her back and her hand flailed as she tried to grab the zip of her dress. "Hey, Toby? Could you help unzip me before I hop in the shower?" She asked, turning back to face me.

I watched her turn in what seemed to be slow motion, acutely aware of the swish of the hem of her dress as it came to rest against her legs and how the fabric sat on her body. My heart skipped a beat and a nervous twitch passed through my eyebrows. As I sat there, looking at her, I couldn't help but remember Chloe's words. Though difficult to admit, there was part of me that began to feel like maybe she had hit the mark with what she had said.

"Toby...?" Nelly seemed concerned at either the lack of an answer, or the look on my face. Perhaps both. "Are you ok, Sweetheart?"

"I..." I breathed, my voice shaking.

"What the-? Where did that come from?" I thought, surprised that I had let my cool slip.

"Honey?" Nelly stepped forward.

"No!" I couldn't think of anything else to say. My whole body was shaking with nervous tremors. "Don't – I can't...!" I forced my eyes shut as I felt tears welling up.

"No, no, no! I don't want to tell her..." I told myself. "I don't. I DON'T! She'll think I'm a creep – She... She... She won't love me anymore...!"

"Gh..." I sniffed.

"Hey, hey..." Nelly said softly, coming closer. "It's ok..."

"It's not ok..." My brain was racing through all the negatives that could possibly result from divulging my feelings. As my mind tore through the maze of possible outcomes, I couldn't hide from the realisation that Chloe had been completely right. But to openly admit it – those desires I had always frowned upon – would be to open myself up to extreme embarrassment. I wouldn't survive it.

"Toby..." Nelly's hand came down on my right shoulder, and a second later, I felt the bed take her weight as she sat down beside me. "What's gotten you so worked up?" She sounded genuinely worried, if not a little bit scared. "You know you can talk to me..."

"No!" I blurted again, immediately becoming annoyed that I had just snapped at the one person I trusted most. "I can't..." I breathed, my eyes still jammed shut.

"Why am I crying?" I thought, trying to reason with myself now. "So what if I feel... Those feelings? I'm not... I..."

"Why...?" Nelly began to gently rub my shoulder.

"If I tell her... No, I can't...! She won't want to be with me... I don't want her to think that I'm some dumb pervert... I don't want that..."

"I won't judge you, no matter what." Nelly said, desperately trying to get me to open up.

"Dammit! She's trying so hard! And I just... It must be so frustrating, trying to reason with me... But I just can't..."

"Is it... Is it about me...?" She asked, the question burning a searing stake through my chest.

"Ah...!" My eyes opened in shock, and tears that had been held back fell down my face all at once, which I immediately attempted to wipe away in a nervous frenzy.