.12
Zayn's hand runs through my hair, stopping at the back of my neck and resting there as he looks me in the eyes. I stare into the brown rings that burn my heart. "You're a drug to me," I whisper, our lips brushing in the process. I rest my hand against his cheek, my thumb tracing the purple ring under his eye. His tan skin makes my white thumb look even paler. "I can't let myself hurt you." I finally say, pulling away. I knew I'd relent, I would get lost in his eyes, I would kiss him until our mouths were swollen. And I couldn't do that. I would hurt him, especially after knowing his past.
"Shut up," Zayn lazily says, pulling me back to his side. He takes another swig of his beer before throwing the bottle to the left, in the bushes. "Don't give me that bullshit."
I look up at him. "It's not bullshit."
He peers back down at me, pulling out his pack of smokes from his leather jacket pocket. "I'm a grown lad. You don't get to choose whether you want to hurt me or not." He puts a cigarette between his lips, "I do." Zayn pulls out a blue lighter, cupping his hand around the cig before flicking the lighter on. It illuminates his face. From close up, I can see tiny freckles dotting his chin and the hair that grows around his area.
"I've hurt too many people." I state simply, looking back down at the city.
"Too many people have hurt you," He clarifies.
"No," I argue, "It's the other way around. You don't know the half of it."
The smell of smoke fills the air, and I look at Zayn before plucking the cigarette from between his lips and putting it between mine, taking a long drag. This time, I swim in the beating it gives my lungs, the taste of the bitter smoke. I give Zayn the cig back as I open my mouth, letting the smoke pool out, spilling into the air before me.
"You're something else," He answers, avoiding my last statement. I have to fight the grin taking over my face.
"And you're british."
Zany snorts, and then, with a burst of energy, points east. The dark sky is starting to lighten where he's pointing, turning a shade of navy blue. "The sun is coming up." He says.
I stay silent, sneaking peeks at Zayn every now and then. His lips are set in a goofy grin, as if watching dawn is the best thing in the world. He looks like a little boy on Christmas, excitement evident on his face.
"Look look look," Zayn points again just as the sun peeks over the horizon. I can't help but breathe a laugh, sitting up to get a better look.
It is pretty, a ball of fiery light breaking over the curve of the earth. The buildings in front of us start roaring to life, as if the sign is their alarm clock.
The stars start disappearing, the city being taken over by light, the street lights shutting off. Even from far up here I can start seeing people filling the empty sidewalks, looking like little ants scurrying from place to place.
"It's all a cycle," I observe.
"What?" Zayn asks.
"Just - everything, I guess. Days are. Everything is a routine, a cycle. The sun is, sitting up here and witnessing it first hand." He stays quiet. I continue watching, observing the Routine of Injustice. The Injustice is that no one notices this. I'm the Injustice.
The Injustice who can't seem to be put back into Routine, because an asteroid came and knocked me out of rotation.
-
Zayn drops me off back at my apartment. I get his number before he leaves. I guess he's really tired, because he barely gives me a smile when I kiss his cheek.
A 'FINAL NOTICE' note is stuck to my door. It tells me I have five days to pay the rent or I'm out. I ignore it, ball it up and throw it away.
My apartment is full of ghosts. Just 24 hours ago, I wanted nothing more than to disintegrate into my white sheets. I didn't have an appetite or an interest in this world. I was kicking and screaming at just the thought of leaving my small room full of misery. Now, being here - I can't seem to find peace, that certain calmness within my mind.
And maybe, just maybe, I don't want to.
Instead, I bathe. I light a lavender scented candle and turn the lights off while filling the tub with hot water.
I wash myself, exhaustion making my shoulders slump. It was a good sign, that I was tired. I was feeling something.
There was also something in my gut that I couldn't put my finger on. Almost like a knot, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It had something to do with Zayn, the way he made my heart flutter.
After thirty minutes of soaking in a warm paradise, I get out. Drying myself off, I wrap my warm robe around me, discarding my dirty clothes on the dirty floor of the bathroom.
As soon as my head it's the pillow, I'm out.
this was kind of a filler chapter and it was short, sorry! remember to vote if you like this story so far :)
