Euphoria ✔

열넷

⚠ ⚠

Dream is a blue mirage in desert
From deep inside of me, a priori
~
Mirage

an optical illusion caused by atmospheric conditions, especially the appearance of a sheet of water in a desert
···
I had gone back to the hospital for a checkup after they had realized I was gone. I was fine. Just weak. Physically and now mentally.

Those moments just kept playing themselves over again and again in my mind. Frantically trying to get to me.

I sat in the darkness of my room under the thick blankets. My body numb and dead but my brain as alive as ever. I desperately wanted to sleep. But it was impossible with my brain racing.

I huffed grabbing my phone. Going to text Taehyung. But remembering the circumstances. I clicked on his photo looking as tears clouded my eyes. I held the screen to my chest gently rocking back and forth.

"Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?" I whimpered repeatedly. My voice cracking diligently along the words.

Me being myself meant goodbyes were the hardest. They were worse than bruises and cuts.

I threw the device across the room and stood up wearily. Walking towards the bathroom. I switched on the light and glanced into the mirror.

My hair was all over the place and my forehead was laced with sweat. The blankets heat had eventually accumulated. My white T-shirt sticking to my chest.

I peeled off the sticky fabric and threw it to the floor glancing at a small bruise at the pit of my stomach. I teared up staring into my own eyes. Dark yet beautiful. Well, almost beautiful.

The white brims tinted a light pink and small water pooled above the bottom eyelids.

I gripped the rim of the sink tightly with my hands. Bracing my tired body. It wasn't that I hadn't slept recently. It was simply that my emotional state had taken a toll on my body as the night continued.

"Why did you leave me? Why did you leaVE ME!" I screamed at the top of my lungs throwing soap and such to the floor.

Hitting the mirror repeatedly wishing for the contents to finally fall. The person standing there to finally collapse.

I screamed in shrieks as I threw things, broke things. Eventually finding myself hurling forward a large object littering the room with a large crash and then silence followed by a small whimper.

I fell to the ground grasping onto the loose fabric of my sweatpants. The noise of the glass now chatted on the floor echoes repeatedly through my head.

I begin to cry glancing around at the mess. Hesitantly reaching forward.

Wincing in fear as I grasp a large shard. Glancing to see my sad, sorry self.

Not paying attention to the slight stirring downstairs I lift the glass. My hand shaking uncontrollably with every movement.

The feeling of my bare back against the cool porcelain tub excerts the feeling of uncomfortablness as I sit. I shift slightly before making my final desicion.