The Story Of Us

June 21, 2018

9:30 p.m.
This is the longest I've gone without having you on my mind so much. I'm sitting here in this house that isn't mine. And I feel lonely. I'm babysitting, and the kids are asleep. This is the time when all I have to do is think. Somehow I always land on you.

Your amazing hugs that made me feel same and warm

Your stupid dad jokes

Your insane driving

Your family

Your dad

Our Sonic lunch dates

Your jacket that I took bit gave back

The last time you told me you loved me

That one time during the movies where I think you kissed me on the head but I was never sure and didn't want to ask.

Our movie pictures

Our ups

Our downs

I just miss you.

Trust me, you aren't the full package. You're a jerk. But everyone is in their own way.

I am so sorry for hurting you the way I did. I don't blame you for not wanting anything to do with me.

But I'm not sorry about why I got mad at you the last time. I told you about my problems throwing up the same night I told you about that guy and you denied it. It hurt because no one else knows about it. It felt so amazing getting to tell you. Like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I know I told you but it's okay if you don't remember because I then dropped a huge bombshell on you. I was just hurt that macie was always there to keep me from talking to you.

And maybe you didn't want to talk to me. And that's fine. I just need the truth. I need to know your feelings and your thoughts.

It's sad, but I wish you and Macie would break up and you'd text me asking if you could see me and we would meet and I'd hug you will you would rant about it or whatever. And things would be back to normal again.

But that's just a dream, and I believe that I hurt you too many times.

It was insanely ironic that by the time I was truly ready and happy again, I stumbled across Macie in your truck. And then you referred to me as your ex-girlfriend and not even your friend and things went down hill from there.

I guess that was God's way of saying "hey you messed it up one too many times, he's gotta move on now."

I don't know Lane. All I know is I would give anything to redo some things and make it better. Make us better. I would see you in the halls and all I wanted to do was hug you and tell you "I love you" but I couldn't.

I'm not writing this as a way to get you back. This is a me things. Michaela told me that writing down my thoughts and feeling about you would help me get over you so I'm trying it but it's a load of bull. I still think about you a lot.

No guy has ever had this kind of hold on me.

Ever.

No guy has ever effected me so much I just wanted to lean over and kiss him a million different times.

Ever.

I can't tell you how many times I almost kissed you but chickened out. Especially during our Sonic lunch dates. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to lean across the dash and grab your face and kiss you. It's insane. I have never ever wanted to kiss someone as much I have you.

But I would give everything just to be your friend again. Make you happy again. I wouldn't put a move on you, I would just be your friend. Your person. But that's just not going to happen with Macie here.