The Secret

Chapter 14

I hate myself. I don't know what I was thinking. Of course nothing is ever as simple as I make it out to be. Why can't I learn that? Ugh. I hate everything. My thoughts are all over the place as I sit on the unfamiliar bed in Jax's room. His room is small, smaller than mine. His walls are painted navy, his bed cover is black. I look around the room, taking it all in. It's only Jax and I in the house. His parents are at work. His room is very neat. Not really what I expected. To be honest, I didn't expect anything about him. He was just there, a guy, nothing more.

After I cried on him, in the classroom, Jax wouldn't let me go to class. He said that it wouldn't be smart. He didn't ask any questions. It's like it never happened. He drove me to my house, but when I said that my mam is at work, he wouldn't let me stay alone. And now I'm here in his room.

I hear a door scrape on the dark wood floor, I look up and see Jax coming in, with a glass of water.

"I thought I told you to lie down," he says while handing me the glass. I gulp it down in one. "Woah, someone's thirsty." he laughs, his face lighting up.

I smile at the sight.

"You should lie down for a bit." he says.

"No, I'm ok," I say softly looking at my hands on my lap. I feel the bed sink down, I look to my right, and Jax has sat down beside me. We look at each other, probably longer than we should have, somehow it doesn't feel awkward. I inspect his features. His eyebrows are thick and dark, but it doesn't look messy. His eyes a light grey with a hint of blue. It seems like the blue has been washed out. My eyes travel to his jaw where I can see a slight stumble. I'm hit with an urge to reach out my hand. I look away then, feeling uneasy.

"Do you want to talk about it?" his husky voice fills the silence.

"I do, and don't" I sigh, glancing at his direction. "I want to, but I can't. I wish I could, I really do. I hate that it's me, why did it have to be me. It feels like the world is caving in on me and I'm suffocating slowly." I pause, shocked at the words that I've just said. "Fuck I shouldn't have said that." I look over at Jax, he's sitting still, his whole body turned to face me. Why do I feel the need to tell him? I don't understand. "I'm sorry," I say before leaving his room and running out his front door.

I sit on the unstable tree-house. The safe space. I still have my dress on. My face made. I let out a laugh. I tried to cover up, mask my secret but instead, I uncovered way more than I should. To Jax. God, I barely know him. All I know is that he's actually sweet. And he beat up a guy for me. Noah. Shit, I completely forgot about him. What if he said something about me? Or about Jax? What if Jax gets suspended or worse, expelled? It's going to be all my fault. I place my head in my hands. I hear a rustling in front of me. I look up and see a figure step out of the bush. She looks up and a wave of relief passes her face. Haley climbs up the tree and sits down beside me, on the edge of the tree-house.

"I was looking everywhere for you. I called you and texted you a million times."

I scrunch up my face. "You have?"

"Of course I have."

I search for my phone in my pocket, but I don't find anything.

"Shit I lost my phone." I start to panic. My mam is going to kill me. I'm standing now and patting myself down.

"Did you leave it in school?" Haley asks.

"I don't know," I say out of breath.

"Where's your bag? Is it in there?"

I look around. Where is my bag?

"I think I left it at school." I sit back down, annoyed. Someone probably stole it already.

"Why did you leave school?"

I take a few seconds to think about what to say. "I had an incident."

"What type of incident?" she pushes.

"It's nothing."

Haley whips her head towards me. "It's not nothing if you left school because of it."

She lowers her voice. "You can tell me you know. You can tell me anything and everything."

"I swear it's nothing."

"Bullshit," she swears loudly. "You have mascara all over your face so you've been crying. Nobody cries over nothing."

I just sit there not saying anything. I didn't see my face before I came here and I didn't even feel the need to check. I am the worst, especially at lying.

Haley and I decide to walk around the mini forest trial. The trees loom high above us, sheltering us from the blazing sun. It shines through the leaves, leaving speckles of light on the wooden walkway. The birds chirping and the bees are buzzing. Flying from flower to flower, collecting pollen. The heat was unexpected. Ireland doesn't get many sunny days, especially when it's spring. An average day here mostly consists of rain and the odd sun peaking out.

Haley and I fall into step with one another. I tell her about Noah. The way he grabbed me in the hallway saying that I wanted him. I continued to tell her about how he smuggled me into a classroom and forced his lips on mine.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Haley shouts loudly, deafening my poor ears.

"Shh, quiet down," I say in a low voice.

"HELL NO." she huffs. "I'm going to find that motherfucker. He better watch out."

I watch her, as her face heats up turning red with rage.

"That's already taken care of."

She looks at me questioningly.

"Ehm, Jax kinda bet him up." I hop from one foot to the other.

"Well thank fuck for that," she exclaims. It takes a minute before she turns around to face me directly. "Wait, who's Jax?"

"He's the new guy."

"Oh. Is he hot?"

I look away.

"Oh my GOD, you're blushing." Haley squeals.

"I am not," I say covering my face with my hands.

"Are too."

"No."

"Yes"

"It's the heat."

"Yeah sure" Haley gives me the side eye.

We leave the topic of Jax and move onto Noah again. Haley bugs me about getting revenge on Noah and I keep reminding her that it was taken care of, but of course, she doesn't listen. I shake my head a little when she starts planning the revenge. Something about cutting his eggplant off. Yeah, that's Haley for you. As she goes off into another one of her revenge plans, my mind drifts off to Jax, particularly when I held onto him in that classroom. I felt so safe in his arms. It surprised me. I haven't felt safe in a while. He was so patient, rubbing my back as I let out my cries into his shirt. The soft material against my cheek, reminded me of a cold winter day, sitting in front of the open fire, a soft blanket wrapped around my body. Safe, away from the bitter cold.

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I have a friend and she hates fruits. ALL OF THEM. I love fruits, I eat them everyday especially in Summer.  

Do you like fruit? If so, what's your favourite?

Commenr & Vote xx