By Midnight Blood

Chapter Eight: Undeserved

Liridia
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I left the infirmary in a daze, walking in any direction that took me away from everything. I walked past the boarding houses, the dining hall, the orchard, the cavern and towards the cliffs.

A small set of steps were carved into the rock that led to a small beach, which had no sign of life anywhere, so I trekked down the steps carelessly, not really caring if I fell or not.

You killed Firn.

I reached the sand and sat down. The wind was still for once, and I looked out to the calm blanket of blue. A tear threatened to spill, but I clenched my teeth so hard it retreated.

She killed herself, Liridia. He reminded me softly.

No. You killed her. I launched back in a fit of anguish and rage.

She wanted to know what you were. She would've done anything, child. Blackmailed. Cheated. Attacked you. You may not see that, but I do.

"You didn't need to take her life!" I yelled at him, my shaky voice betraying my stoic exterior. I balled sand in my fist and launched it at the ocean, watching in rage as the sand fell apart before hitting the water.

The waves lapped at the shore calmly, which enraged me to a point that I could no longer form coherent words and sentences to insult the monster inside me with. I took off my boots and unbound my hair, my black strands hanging around my face. I waded into the ocean, much to the dismay of It.

What are you doing?

Nothing that concerns you.

I was now waist height in the water, going deeper into the water until I'm chin deep in blue. I sank down onto the floor of the sea and exhaled the air from my body. The bubbles exploded from my mouth and floated to the top, vanishing from existence.

My throat and lungs burned with lack of air, and it silently fumed inside me. Until it snapped and air filled my lungs. I was still underwater, and I could breathe. I could see better too, the sand settling around me slowly.

You need to stop.

Fucking hypocrite.

I screamed at the futile mess of it, I couldn't do anything to stop it doing things to me that I didn't want it to do. I was helpless. Weak. Not even my scream made much noise down here.

A pair of arms looped around my arms and hoisted me up out of the water. I thrashed against them, but their iron grip held me like a vice so I couldn't manage to free myself.

"Let me go!" I shouted, bucking against the small waves and the grip of a sopping wet Nalem. He pulled me up to the beach and dumped my body, his unimpressed and concerned eyebrows making my insides twist as I steal a glance at his bare chest.

"What the Hells happened?" He demanded, his hands resting expectantly on his hips. I sat up from the beach, sand clinging to my hair and my wet clothes.

"Just... having a swim." I croaked, not meeting his eyes with my head hung low. He sat down beside me after a moment, chucking his coat over my shoulders and pulling his dry tunic back on.

I let his coat sit on my shoulders, wiping my nose with the back of my hand and liking the incessant cold that hung on my skin where the coat didn't touch.

"I'm still mad at you." He said, watching the whitecaps with wet eyelashes.

"I deserve that." I sniffed, not wanting to feel his worried and unimpressed eyes on mine.