Letters

Chapter Two

I stumbled into my empty house, dropped my bag by the kitchen table, and forced my feet to carry me upstairs. I blasted out my music, the song that now reminded me of Miss Collins. I gazed into the mirror on my windowsill, and watched a tear slowly drip down my cheek. It left a black mark in my foundation, taking off my thick mascara I had carefully put on for school.

I was angry; angry at whatever bitch did this to her. Whatever cruel person that took away 5 years of her life, and the only person I could talk to apart from my group.

A rage blew out from inside me, I turned my music up, and screamed into my pillow. But I couldn't stay angry, because her pretty face kept coming back into my head, I kept visualising her saying goodbye to me. I could still feel her hugging me, as if she were actually still there.

I quickly picked up my diary from the floor, and ripped out the several pages that had been doodled on by my little cousin. I searched my room for a pen, and found my old pencil-case, choosing the best pen to write with.

"Dear Diary,"

I began.

I scribbled out those two words and ripped off another page.

"Dear Ruth..."

I continued. It was such a pretty name, Ruth. Miss Collins. Ruth. Ruth Collins. The name brought me comfort once again.

"Dear Ruth,

I don't know quite what I should say, because it's only just hit me that I may never see your face again. I keep taking myself back to the times when we wondered around the school grounds, while I went on about my relationship issues and you still managed to cheer me up. You were the one person I could talk to when I needed advice from an adult, one person that did not judge me for who I was or what I said, or how I felt. I am greatly thankful for..."

"EMILY!"

My Mum called up to me as she arrived home from work. I sighed, dropped my pen, and went downstairs to talk to her.

"Hey, darling." she said, softly, and she looked up from unpacking the shopping and smiled at me.

Her smile was sweet, but it didn't affect my mood like Ruth's did. I guess she was my Mum, I was used to seeing her smile everyday, but somehow I loved Miss Collins' more.

"Hi Mum." I spoke quietly, but didn't want her to know I had been crying. She wouldn't understand. She wouldn't understand how I feel for Ruth. I didn't even understand it sometimes.

I couldn't show my mum emotion sometimes. Whenever something was wrong she wouldn't drop it until I told her what the problem was. And I didn't want to have to explain that I went to a supply teacher to talk about my problems instead of my own Mother.

She didn't get it.

She never got anything.

It was as if my parents didn't even remember what it was like to be teenagers. On top of the exams, homework, relationships, friendship issues, we had to say goodbye to people we couldn't live without. And that's just not fair.

Goodbye is like saying 'have a nice life until we meet again'. Except we won't be meeting again. We won't smile at each other from across the field anymore, or laugh and chat and she won't be able to cheer me up by simply smiling at me with her pretty face.

Goodbyes aren't fair. Especially when they don't want to go.