Letters

Chapter Five

She was gone. Catherine was gone. We were at her house for the last hour of her time in England, and we watched her get in the car, and drive away. Round the corner, and she was gone. And she wasn't coming back.

The others managed to keep their tears in until the last minute, but I wasn't so strong. I couldn't help it; I was crying as soon as it hit me that this was Catherine's last day. As soon as she was gone we all broke down into each others arms, but we knew all we really wanted was to be with her... The one we all loved, the one that made us laugh, cry, so happy yet now so sad.

Once we had all calmed down, and wiped the smudged makeup off of our faces, We slowly made our way to youth club.

The rest of the night was pretty quiet, my friends and I spoke but not a lot.

One boy really pissed me off, asking why I was being a bitch, I just told him to leave me alone. This wasn't the time to annoy me, he didn't know what we were going through, nor how close we were with Catherine. She wasn't just my best friend, but I felt stronger for her. I didn't know how I felt about her, but she was so special to me and I didn't know how to cope with her gone.

Once I got home I just sat on the sofa all night, my blanket wrapped around me, the teddy Catherine gave me safe in my arms. My Mum came in and gave me a quick kiss on the head, I was scared she'd smell cigarette smoke, but I had other things on my mind so I didn't really care. Once she was upstairs, I fell asleep on the sofa until my Dad came in from work and took me to my room. I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I felt anxious again, like I used to, but I wasn't really sure exactly what had caused it the last time.

The next morning, I looked at my phone and saw some messages from my friends, asking me to meet them. I quickly agreed, and got out of bed. I looked in the mirror to see what looked like a panda staring back at me; I had dark circles of makeup under my eyes.

I smiled. I tried to convince myself I was okay. But deep down I knew I was hurting. When I was ready and I walked out the door, the wind blew my hair up, and my music burst through the headphones that were on pause. I slowly made my way to town, ignoring the faces that stared my way. I was running a little late, so I cut through a few alleyways. It was only about 10 o'clock, and it was Saturday, most people that weren't at work would've still been in bed. I saw a man in a big white van, and he looked at me with squinty eyes. I didn't want to wait until no one was around, I didn't care anymore, so I lit up a fag. As I inhaled the smoke, I felt a relief inside me. Maybe it was the buzz from the cigarette, or maybe it was because I didn't have any other stress relief. I breathed it all out. All the thoughts and feelings, and for a moment, I felt alright again.

When I saw my friends at last, I gave them a massive hug, and we sat on the wall outside the youth centre. After all, we were youths and needed somewhere to hang out. Me and Emma lit up another fag, and we chilled in 'our spot' for about half an hour.

Jessie complained she needed some noodles, so we gathered our things and headed for Tescos. That was Jessie's nickname now- Noodles. Every time we saw her she wanted supernoodles, like her addiction to that was stronger than our addiction to smoking.

When we found ourselves back at the youth centre, making noodles of course, we sat down on the sofas and I nearly fell asleep. I hadn't got much sleep the night before. Too busy... Thinking I guess.

At least something seemed normal. One routine was staying the same. Everything else was just crumbling around us. Everybody else was leaving, or changing. Maybe there's no one in our life that will always be there, and we just have to be there for ourselves. I just wish people could keep their promises, or not make them if they're going to walk away.