Sex Lessons ; Zayn AU (Editing)

Chapter 20

Not edited (I know I should really start editing my stuff)

[////|\\\\] Zayn:

I throw open the front door and step inside. Why is she doing this to me? No girls should have this kind of power over me. Something about her jusst keeps me pullig towards her and I hate that. I should be independent and I shouldn't let her mess with my feelings. 

I close the door with so much force that I'm for a second scared it will break. When it doesn't break I walk into the living room dropping my body on the couch and stare at the ceiling.

What just happened?

Can I say that she tottaly messed with my feelings? was she just joking when she chose me over Harry? is this all a game to her? For the first time in forever I aallowed my walls to come down, I let her in. I showed her part of me and my life nobody ever saw but she decided to just throw all we had - whatever the fuck we had- away like trash. 

Maybe she's confused? Maybe she is in love with me. Maybe she doesn't know how to love me? Maybe there's a change that this all will turn out just fine. right? 

I wanna believe that. It isn't like she can just walk into my life, fuck things up and leave. I want her in my life- I need her in my life.

I should've known this would go terribly wrong. Why did I offer her the lessons knowing eventually one of us was going to fall in love. I knew this was going to happen but that didin't stop me... 

Maybe I wanted us to fall in love from the start? 

I sigh and get up from the couch. I walk to the kitchen and I can just feel world weights pressing down on my shoulders. I grab myself some a glass and fill it with water. While the glass is slowly being filled, tears start to build in my eyes. 

Don't cry! I whisper because bad boys don't cry right? Arianna really messed with my head. Here I am, crying like a baby over a girl. I've become a pathetic cry baby and I hate it. 

I wanna throw things around. I wanna hit things or people. There's just so much anger and sadness botteled up inside of me. I just can't let it out, I won't let it out.

"Zayn?" Jacks voice sounds and I quickly turn around and walk out of the kitchen. The glass crushing beneath my shoes.

Jack is standing on the stairs looking rather tired. He didn't go to school today. My aunt looked after me but she probably is walking the dog for a minute since I haven't see brown either.

I should talk to her about that.

without her I'm just a waste of space! I get up and hit the wall hard. Fuck those things are hard. "Z-zayn?!" I hear soft voice behind me. A tired Jack looks at me with his big brown eyes. Something is missing in his young eyes but I can't tell what. I look at my fist who's bleeding and back to Jack. "Go get some more sleep" I say softly and walk out closing the door behind me. "Zayn what happend to your hand?!" my mother ask. "Nothing and why is Jack in my room?" I ask frustrated. "Cause he wanted to he misses you Zayn!" I always spend my life with Jack he's all I have but now with Arianna and my mother came home I just can't! it's finally like I'm free. I sigh walking to the front door. "Zayn please stay for one night at least." My mother ask. "Sorry mom"