Promises, lies, love, and tragedies

The shock

The next day I felt a little down. I thought about Kathrynn and her little baby that about to go soon. It's been really tough seeing them go. I can't handle the pain, it's too much for me. I feel the pain in my heart it feels like someone just stabbed me a million times. I wanted to cry but I stayed strong, I promised I would not cry. It's hard holding in your tears, it hurts. I was at school and I didn't want to be made fun of if I cried in class. I couldn't focus on anything else but about the pain and about Kathrynn and her baby. I just wish it was me and not her. Who wants me here anyway? It's not like I'm important to anyone. At lunch I didn't really eat anything I just sat at a table alone with my head down crying. Then Alexa came and sat with me she gave me huge hug. She told me not to cry but it's hard but I tried. I wasn't really hungry all I wanted to do is cry. My next period was art I loved art. It takes my mind off of everything. I'm very good at drawings it takes a lot of practice. I started drawing some flowers and then I started to forget about all the drama, but then flowers reminded me of funerals and funerals reminded me of Kathrynn. So I started to erase it, then the art teacher came and asked me why I was erasing me drawing, I told her brought bad memories and she understood me. I started to draw a little bird on a branch I saw a long time ago, the colors of its feathers were beautiful. It's head was orange and a little pink and it's stomach was red orange and it wings were a blue with yellow. It was really small. I started to color it in when the bell suddenly rung it was time for the last period which was math for me. I didn't really like math it made my head hurt but I would always find someone to help me with a problem. Then school ended I met brother at the front of the school and we started to walk home Alexa followed us. It was silent on the way home, Shawn put his arm around me and asked how my day was. "It was okay" I said with a deep voice. We got home and say down Jack G came out crying. "Guys the baby is... Dead." I didn't want to think about it anymore I just wanted to be happy again. We were having the funeral on Saturday. I tried to take my mind off of it. I just can take it anymore I want to be happy not sad I can't live like this it's hard if people see me crying they are going to make fun of me. I went upstairs to do my homework. I didn't have that much and all of it was pretty easy. I had done all of it and I just wanted to take a walk and have some fresh air. Shawn and Jack G wanted to come. I told them I wanted to be alone but they still came. Shawn saw Evelyn and ran to her they both hugged and shawn was kind of sad and Evelyn asked what was wrong he told her everything that happened. Jack G saw his a girl that was at the hospital he introduced me to her. "Steph this is Sarah my girlfriend." He said smiling "GIRLFRIEND?!" I said shocked "Steph before you freak out remember I'm not shawn for you to treat me like you did to shawn." Jack G said. " No I'm sorry it's just that... I... um... I'm going to just sit down on that bench." I said. I couldn't get what Jack G told me out of my head. It was repeating itself in my head over and over again. I was just shocked, I really liked him.