Warning: signs of depression, triggering content, cursing
Title: You are my Light in this Dark World
It has been a few days since I last saw Carl. Ever since the incident happened with his eye he's been... different. Being his girlfriend and all I was there for him until he woke up and he repays me by avoiding me. At first I understood, like I get it, he had just gone through a very traumatic experience and he needs to get used to it. I just wish I could help him get through it without him pushing me away. Finishing up my lookout shift with Sasha, I decided to check up on him. I miss him and I need to know he is alright in order for me to feel alright.
"Hey Sasha. Do you by any chance know where Carl might be." I weakly asked. She looked at me with pity. She could see me hurting, wondering what I can do to ease whatever he is feeling.
"I think he is in his house. He rarely seems to come out that much anymore." She walked over towards me, giving me a tight hug before leaving the lookout. I packed up my things and head off to the Grimes household. As I approached the door, I froze on the steps. He probably doesn't want to see me. He might need more time. I shouldn't invade his privacy and space. But I feel the need to do this. For him and me. Am I being greedy for wanting to see my boyfriend? As these thoughts ran through my head, I knocked on the door, sealing the fate that was to come. Rick answered the door and hugged me. He was still crushed by the incident.
"He locked himself in his room. I can't seem to get him out of this funk." I could see the tears start to form in his eyes, but he didn't dare let one fall. I began to make my way toward his room, knocking lightly on his door as if it were fragile and could break by the slightest touch.
"I said to leave me alone dad, please." I could hear quiet sobs. I knew if I spoke he wouldn't let me in, seeing as he wouldn't let his own father in. I tried twisting the doorknob, but it was locked. Luckily, I always have a bobby pin in my pocket just in case I ever need to pick a lock on a hunt. I inserted the pin into the lock and worked at it until I heard the click, signify it was unlocked. The door opened so quietly and I see Carl sitting on his bed, back to the door, hunched over. His face was in his hands.
"Carl?" I made my way over to him, sitting beside him.
"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?" he lifted his head out of his hands, but turned away from me. It hurt how even sitting so close to one another, he is still distant.
"I came to check on you." I look to see his one eye all red and puffy. "Babe, what's wrong? You haven't been you recently and I'm starting to worry."
"What's wrong?" He sniffles raising his voice a little. "What's wrong is I don't have a fucking eye. What's wrong is I can't even go out without people staring at me. That I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. That you will see me as not attractive to you anymore. What's wrong is I'm afraid. Afraid that I am going to live the rest of my life in pain because of this stupid hole in my head.Afraid of how this will fucking affect me. It should have went straight through my head rather than leave me to suffer like this. I'm alone because no one understands. No one will look at me the same." Tears fall from his eye as he puts his head back in his hands. My arms immediately wrap around his body as tears flow from my eyes as well. I crouch down in front of him and try to remove his hands from the face I have grown to love. He refused.
"Carl look at me. Please." He hesitantly gave in as I held his hands in mine. "You're right. No one truly understands what you are going through, but you are not alone. Never EVER fucking say that. I waited for what seemed like years just for you to wake up because I wanted you to be okay. I was so nervous thinking what if the bullet did go through. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Seeing you wake up made me so happy because I had you back. I love you so much Carl, I really do. I love you because you are you. When I look at you, I don't see your wound. I see you. I see who I fell in love with. The boy I knew since before this world became shit. The boy I called my best friend before I fell in love. I grew up to love despite everything surrounding us. You are my light in this dark world. I could never leave you. Even with a hole in your head. You have a right to be afraid. I am too, but you don't need to be afraid of losing me. Whatever you are afraid of, we will get through it together." I wipe away his tears as he flashes me a small smile. I stood up and took his hand in mine, leading him to his bedroom door and to the bathroom.
"What are you doing?" He looked at me confused, but there was a method to my madness.
"I told you we would face your fears together. You can't look at yourself in the mirror, but you just don't see what I see." I unwrapped his bandage, which he surprisingly accepts. I then lead him to face the mirror. "See. That's my handsome boyfriend." He laughed through his tears and looked at me.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" He says lifting my chin up to look at him. He leaned down and planted a soft but passion filled kiss on my lips. I missed those lips on mine. "Thank you."
