Imperfect Endings

Chapter 37: Aqiqah

Zahrain’s POV

These past week had gone by so slowly.
I was released from the hospital the day after my little baby girl was born and had been ordered to stay in my room with her avoiding the everyday activities I was accustomed to; like cooking and cleaning, in order to get enough rest.

It got boring after a few days since I couldn’t even pray due to the bleeding but watching her sleep was magical.

She wasn’t a cry baby Alhamdulillah but she was very loud. And the first time she had a bath I was on the ‘edge of my seat’ because she was tiny and fragile and I had the feeling that water would harm her.

Mummy and Abbas had come home every day for the past week to spend time with the baby – it was extremely awkward and Mum wasn’t a fan of it at all but she couldn’t say anything since it was Abbas’ right as a father. It was good to see that he was at least making time for his daughter from his busy schedule.
We had eye contact a hundred times of course but I blocked away all the feelings I had for him and my expressions didn’t flutter.

It was hard because I realised I still loved him – loved him more now that we were apart, but I couldn’t let my emotions take control of me.
The only person I could depend upon was myself.
It was a mechanism I had created to stop expecting and hoping that we could be together again – because that was impossible.

I felt guilty for thinking so much about Abbas a week ago in the hospital, but I also learnt what my feminine side was capable of if not tamed.
I laughed at the fact that I would have actually gotten up to hug him if I had the energy to that day, because I usually gave in to the strong impulses and did things I would later either regret or cherish.
Plus, my emotions and thoughts were all over the place post-birthing – danger!

Hassan and Dad came to visit twice. Hassan was so excited and jazzed – it made me sure that he was going to get along with the baby girl.

I had made it clear to everyone that I had already chosen a name for the baby; in our community it was the father who decided but I had a name I was sure he would like. Since we weren’t talking, I could only indirectly pass the message across to him that I had already selected a beautiful name and that he shouldn’t come in my way.
Nobody knew what the name was except my dad; it was a surprise, to be revealed once the Aqiqah was done.

The Aqiqah involved slaughtering one goat and shaving off the baby’s hair and it went smoothly. My family and Abbas’ family were all present on this blessed occasion and we all had lunch together – fresh goat meat lunch.
Most of the meat was then given to the needy and some was given to mummy to take home.

And then it was time for the naming; my dad recited the Adhan (call for prayer) into the baby’s ear and named her Zainab.

Zainab because it was the Prophet's (Sallalahu Alyhi Wa Sallam) daughter’s name.

And ZAinAB because she was a little bit of ZAhrain and a little bit of ABbas.

Later on that day

Abbas’ POV

“Mum, honestly, don’t you want to be around Zainab all the time?
I miss her. I’m her dad, I’m supposed to be with her.
Do you really think getting custody will be bad; of course not entirely but she could come stay with us on the weekends for example”
I suggested

“I know you miss her.
I miss her too but at least we get to see her everyday.
Plus if you hadn’t done what you did, she would have been living with us. Just hope that regret doesn’t eat you from the inside”
Mum said frankly

“Uh mum please don’t bring that topic up again”

“As far as custody is concerned, you don’t need to file for it.
Zahrain has agreed that she will bring Zainab home to us as much as she can once Zainab is a few months old.
My daughter is very understanding and considerate in that way; she doesn’t take anyone’s rights away from them”
she explained

“Zahrain is not your daughter mum”
I said, annoyed

She just gave me the ‘what did you say’ look.

This was going to be hard.
Especially now that I didn't have the elder's support.
Dad had made me stop all communication with them and had also made me give up the position of head as health.
I had to listen to him if I wanted to 'be his son'.
Damn you Samir for plotting ideas in Dad's mind

I understood that I would only be inflicting pain on my daughter if I separated her from Zahrain.

Yes at this moment I did regret giving Zahrain a divorce, just for the sake of Zainab. Nothing else.
Why hadn’t she told me she was pregnant? That would have definitely made me change my mind.

Zahrain.
Gosh she looked gorgeous in her dira (African dress).
Her gained baby weight suited her; she was glowing.
I wanted to talk to her. Yes we had a rough past, whatever happened happened, but we were adults with a mutual daughter.
We had to talk sometime or the other regarding Zainab. Silence with each other wasn’t going to give our daughter a great childhood.

The name she chose for our daughter was perfect though I didn’t know the reason behind it.
Had she chosen it because it was a name common in both Sunni’s and Shia’s?  

I seriously had to get serious with work now that I was back in the hospital; it was the only way I could keep my mind of these matters