Imperfect Endings

Chapter 3: Broken Things

~Some Dreams are just meant to not come true~

~It was a Lazy Sunday morning in Zahrain’s house and everybody was doing their own thing~

‘Let me love you’ by Justin Beiber filled the room as my phone screen lit up to show an unknown number calling. I quickly picked up thinking it must be a relative wanting to talk to Mum.

“Hello, Asalamualaikum Zahrain”

It was him, it was Zeeshan. But why had he called after we had agreed to no communication before the Nikkah?

“Walaikumsalam.....Whats up?”

“Uumm I have to tell you something really important..

My mind went into over drive and all sorts of scenarios flashed through my head

“Hello, are you there?”

“Yeah yeah I’m here, what’s wrong?” I croaked

“I’m really sorry but I’m afraid I’ll have to break this engagement, but please hear me out.

Blank. No emotions. I was a statue. Then the words sunk in, slower than the titanic

“You see the thing is I’m in love with someone else and if I marry you I’m going to spoil 3 lives, mine, yours and Amyra’s...”

Long pause

“Uhuh” was the only thing that came out of my mouth.
Though I wanted to ask a thousand questions, my mind had frozen over, I mean we had just decided the wedding 4 days ago what went wrong!?

“I had so much pressure on me from my parents that’s why I agreed in the first place, but I now know I won’t be able to make it work, so yeah, I’m really sorry it had to be this way and I hope you have a good life”

And then he hung up.

That was it? No excessive apologising for the pain he had just caused?
I just stood there, phone still on my ear as the tears escaped, one by one and before long I was wailing and sobbing.

So this is what it felt like giving your heart to someone just to have it thrown away like it was useless.

Mum came in just as I had hopelessly sat on the cold floor and put her arms around me. I looked at her tense face through blurry eyes as she silently asked me what was wrong. And I told her that the engagement was off, before letting it all out on her chest once more.

It took a while to calm down and have some lunch. The small morsels of food were a punishment to my throat which had a lump of new emotions forming.

Apparently Zeeshan’s parents called too to say that the engagement was off but Dad was too angry to respond well so he just said a few oks and ended the call. I found this out in the evening but I didn’t react, I had no expressions, they had all flown away like a river.

Mum and Dad were equally shattered because they had sought out Zeeshan from all the proposals that came my way.
They thought he was perfect for me and had really made it clear to me how much they liked him. I being the one that had left that responsibility onto them happily said ‘Yes’.
Yeah Yeah I had always wanted to marry a guy that my parents chose and were happy with, call me old school. 

The two of my elder brothers (Aliyan and Ziyan) were not too keen on him but after doing tons of research they too said he was a good guy.

I wouldn’t be lying if I said I had the best brothers in the world, they tried to cheer me up at all times saying they loved my crooked smile. And hey, brothers are your first best friends aren’t they?

Everything was ruined. It was all my fault. I guess this was my punishment for dating in high school. I always said I wanted a pious husband and a purely Halal relationship with no communication while, at the same time I was chatting to my guy friends, dating, fooling around.
Did I really expect to get exactly what I wanted when I wasn’t following the rules myself?

They say Sabr ka Phal Meetha Hota hai (the fruit of patience is always sweet), but the likes of me just don’t have what it takes, we just want to enjoy the moment so we break the rules, we sin, just for a moments pleasure. Then what do you really expect in return? All your dreams to come true? Really?
What we don’t realise is that there’s always a price to pay, big or small, some can only be felt by one person and some that can’t be seen by the human eye.

So this was my price, losing the man of my dreams. I made Dua with tears in my eyes after praying Asr (late afternoon prayer)

“Ya Allah please forgive me, I am a sinner, forgive me for all the sins I have committed knowingly and unknowingly you are Gaffurur’Rahim (forgiving and merciful) ya Rabb forgive me and save me from all evil. Ameen.

And I got into bed and drifted off to sleep   

I woke up an hour and a half later only to realise it was almost maghrib time.
I just wanted to lay in bed for a while so I picked up my phone hoping that there would be a message from him saying he was sorry or just checking if I was doing alright.
Obviously there was nothing, my phone was dry like always.

I knew I was on a whole new level of clingy, but I couldn’t help it. I was obsessed and I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to let him go, even though I knew now that he could never be mine.

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