Star Trek: TNG: Hiccups

Part 1

The crew of the starship Enterprise were sitting in Ten Forward; playing chess, chatting and continuing their usual duties.

"Queen to D5," Geordi said and he carried out that move.

"Hmmm, you've made it pretty hard for me, haven't you?" Wesley said to him. "Bishop to C7."

Geordi smirked, "Checkmate."

Wesley moaned. "How is that possible? I won all the games back at school; I was class champion!"

"I'm sure you were," Geordi laughed and got up.

"Hey, Data?" Geordi asked him,  noticing his friend. "Do you wanna get something to eat? I'm starving."

"Geordi," Data said, "I fail to see how you are starving. If you are indeed weak in some way, you should seek medical advice and a leave of absence."

Geordi looked at Data and burst out laughing. "Okay, Data, do you wanna get some food or not?"

As usual, Data simply gave his best friend his customary smile, that displayed both childish intrigue and perplexity, which followed the android wherever he went.

"Yes. Let me just finish this." He took a final swig of his drink and stood up. He and Geordi then made their way to the lunch hall.

"I thought androids didn't eat," Geordi asked his friend.

"My creator wanted me to be as human as possible, so he gave me the function of being able to consume food."

"What, for energy?"

"No, not like many other species. I merely eat for... recreational purposes."

"What about... y'know?"

Obviously Data had no idea what Geordi was talking about and cocked his head slightly to the left.

The chief engineer sighed, "...Waste?"

"I assume you are referring to waste disposal? If that is the case, then I do not require the need to dispose of waste products."

"Sounds like a pleasant conversation," Riker called out to them as he walked passed them, smiling.

"Yep, you bet!" Geordi replied to the first officer.

Geordi and Data arrived at the lunch hall and ordered food from the food replicator.

"Geordi, I am not quite sure what to eat."

He looked at Data, "What about noodles?"

"I do not know what they are. One moment, I shall scan my data banks." Data's eyes darted from left to right, he came up with an answer, "Yes, Geordi. I shall have some 'noodles'." He elongated the word 'noodles' as he said it.

"Great choice. Tell that to the food replicator, then."

Data did so and once Geordi had got his food too, went to walk over to a table. He and Geordi sat down.

Data prodded the food with his fork like it was some sort of unknown alien specimen.

"Uh, Data? It's not poison. You can eat it."

"I am quite aware of it being non toxic, however, it is a most peculiar food type."

"If you're not going to eat it, I will," Geordi said.

Hearing this, Data attempted numerous times to try and get the noodles on to his fork. He glanced over at Geordi who was seemingly expertly winding the noodles around his cutlery, so Data did the same.

"What do you think? Nice, huh?"

"It is satisfying. However, I do have no feelings regarding the food's taste, texture, smell or appearance."

"Right," Geordi said.

"Hiccup."

"What?"

"A hiccup."

"Yeah, what about them?"

"A hiccup is a spasm of the diaphragm resulting in a rapid, involuntary inhalation that is stopped by the sudden closure of the glottis and accompanied by a sharp, distinctive sound," Data was a walking dictionary when it came to things like this.

"Yeah, so?" Geordi didn't really see where this as going.

"I believe I have them."

"From eating noodles?" Geordi sniggered.

"Yes."

"You can't get hiccups, can you?"

Data's upper body suddenly jolted forward and a strange, underwater cough-like sound escaped from his mouth; a hiccup. "I think that answers your question, Geordi."

"I think it does!" Geordi tried to say these words with uncontrolled laughed in between each syllable.

Data just stared as Geordi and the rest if the people in the lunch hall sniggered to themselves. "I'm sorry?" Data said.

"Don't worry, Data," Worf comforted the android.

"I am not, I am merely confused. Why does me hiccuping once-" his sentence was interrupted by another hiccup, "-twice, make them laugh?"

The Klingon looked at the android. "I don't understand many of their customs either."