I can still remember it... That night when all was lost.... Everything was taken....
A tear slips down my cheek as I stare into nothing. The room is empty, the silence pressing in on me, suffocating me.
I use to laugh everyday, my love for my family clearly represented. But now, I am a foreigner to the concepts I once took for granted to always be there.
But it never is, is it? Love is there one moment, right between your fingertips as you reach out to grasp it, and the next.... Nothing. Just the cold, dark silence closing in.
And even if we were to be able to retain a hold on it, all it does is burn us. It slowly becomes warmer and warmer, until the flame is scorching hot and you are forced to drop it. That's when you lose everything. That's when any meaning to your life slips away.
The years I have been forced to endure this pain have taught me this. They have opened my eyes, painted the world I once saw in color to a monochrome gray. The lines between reality and fantasy have become blurred, until it hurts me to think. So I do not, instead letting the monochrome's soft visions drift over my eyes, lulling me to a dark and fitful sleep, until the next morning I cannot even see, but merely sense.
That is how it is, in this dark corner of my world. Every day, the same agony and tears. Every night, the same dreams and memories. Every evening, the same wondering of the meaning of this monochromed, meaningless existence of mine.
I have long since forgotten such things as fear, love, hope, and anger. My sorrow numbs me, and allows me to carry on my existence in a deathly silence, never speaking, never feeling, never knowing. And if I were to guess, I would say I like it compared to talking and feeling. Because I can allow myself to think of things that would cause me amounts of emotion I cannot bear to endure.
So, honestly, I am a coward for being numb, but I do not care.
I have never cared.
Not until the day someone gave me meaning. The one person I never thought I would see again. The one person who has been searching for me, and I, for him.
'Ciel', I think, smiling, my tears overflowing, 'you came back for me.'
