The days are going by too fast.
Pretty soon it'll be here
My walls will be bare,
My closet empty,
Pictures gone.
When the sun rises each day and shines into my bedroom window, I won't be there.
I'll be in a new city
New bed
New sun.
But tonight my room is full but I feel empty.
I'm scared as to what's to come.
I dug out my old shirt that reminds me of you.
Remember that day in gym class I wore it and you told me you had the same one.
You're brother went to the college on the shirt.
Ever since I always think of you when I wear it.
So I haven't worn it in a while.
I just felt like it would comfort me.
I don't know why all it is is an old t shirt.
But you made it special.
Somehow
I don't know what I'll do when I leave.
But tonight, tonight I want to cry.
In the morning I'll be better.
I'll have a smile on and be "myself" again.
But tonight I'm weak I'm putting my guard down that I'll have up again tomorrow.
I don't want you so don't feel sorry for me. The only reason why I'm writing these for you is because I feel like we will get married.
Every time I think of marriage I imagine it with you.
When I talk to God about you it doesn't feel wrong.
These aren't for the you now.
Because the you now is a real jerk and needs a lot of work.
This is to my husband.
Maybe you, maybe not.
I don't exactly know.
And I won't until that day.
And if you end up being my husband,
You can go back and read these.
Starting from the notebooks I filled up years ago,
And the big scrap book,
The pages I printed off about you that I typed,
To this.
All of the
butterflies,
Happiness,
Denial,
Pain,
Redemption,
Confusion,
Hatred,
And now
Forgetting what I've had to go through.
You get to see how much love I have for you.
All of the
Trust,
Faithfulness,
Hope,
Optimism,
And never ending love for you.
Even when I hated you I still loved you.
Isn't that how unconditional love works?
But maybe it's not you that I'll marry,
Then I'll never tell you.
