Early in the morning he woke up.
washed his face,took a shower and dumped some sh*t.
shaved his beard, cutting his skin
bled all over the sink, felt some sting on his chin.
He ironed his clothes: long sleeves, tie, brown slacks and red briefs.
Ate some toast, not that crunchy as they seem.
forgot to put some butter, oh the hell does it matter?
Drunk a liter of water, Oh why can't it be wine or at least beer, well just like yesterday only water.
He done his clothes, a pair of leather shoes, a belt
but his socks dont match each other and dont match his shoes either,the hell does it matter?
His tie surrounds his neck, it choke him, almost out of breath.
Oh, the hell does it matter? its not even his wedding day.
The sun's up, it's 6 o'clock. He had to rush there're so many places he has to be.
He doesn't have a car, not now but someday maybe.
Anyway, does it even matter? he's not even running late, oh dear heavens.
Yes, he's not going to work or school but he'll be in some busy offices, more or less seven.
He traveled with with people whose days are just ending, well he's a proud man
the hell does it matter if his perfume can't breathewith the smell of zombies.
He arrived first, right before the first office's door opens.
He checked himself once again, just some wrinkled parts of his top,
This doesn't matter as long as his documents stay flattened.
Finally someone came, the door opened but he waited outside, a stranger as it has always been.
He then entered the room after 30 minutes of waiting then got out not a minute longer.
His smiling face straigthened, "It is okay" he is always saying then breathe deep and his smile came back swinging.
Off he go to another office, now riding a van full of late comers; rushing, impatient, frowning.
As the day ends, he felt good and smile it off. Five offices that's not bad and self-esteem not running so low.
He hopes one of those five will give him something to start off so he culd grow.
He went home, changed his clothes, had dinner and off to bed he go.
He tossed and turned, can't sleep even with tired body, aching ankles and some sorrow.
His high hopes make him dream even though just half asleep or half awake.
Then he remembered something's missing in the routine this day.
The whole day he forgot to brush his teeth.
OH THE HELL DOES IT EVEN EVER MATTER, he thinks.
MY name is Carl, Calito for long and Carlito Bautista for longer. I am 22 years old, and a registered nurse. I don't have work as of the moment but I'm trying to find one. Well, at times it seems like forever but it's only been 3 months since I resigned from my previous work in a call center. After passing the national boards last year i started to apply to different hospitals but they need nurses with experience and trainings or seminars. Well, I just graduated and have just passed the lisencure examinations so in their eyes I am just a tabula rasa, a blank space that needs more work to beome a masterpiece, and they don't like that. At times, I just wanted to shout at them, "I graduated from a prestigious university! I have my GPA at 85%! I got above 80% in my board ratings! AM I NOT QUALIFIED ENOUGH! IM NOT A BLANK SPACE! I AM VERY WELL EQUIPPED! @^&@%$!!!!!!!" But doing so will really suck my luck to be hired so I just stayed silent while a voice in my head is screaming and cursing the person in front of me. Afterwards, I managed to took up the required seminars and trainings, by that time the hospitals were starting to entertain me, letting me take their exams, then interviews and all the stuff but at the end of the day they will just tell me, "Okay sir. Thank you for your tme. We will just call you if there is an opening in the position you are applying for." That is pure bullshit. I felt like I'm just an airhead who flaunts his credentials but can't even be hired. It is as if being hired by a hospital as a staff nurse is the best award someone can get as a reward for four grueling years of studying in college, learning the antics by heart, reviewing for boards and excruciatingly sit for more than 6 hours to take the fu*king lisencure exam for two days. That feeling that you will grab hold of anything good that comes in your way. Then one day an email came, it's from a call center.
In that call center I met my first love, i consider that person my first love since i think i felt real love from that person. I though back then that everything that happened to me, with all the hospitals rejecting me, is because I am destined to meet my love. We're a couple in that call center but the only person who knew we're a couple is me and my love. My love is always telling me that having a very private romantic relationship with a person is the key for that relationship to last. I am really happy being with my love, my love makes it a point that i smile always. We go out many times, our dates end up on a bed. Sex was great, love making and ecstacy combined. We would have an average of 3 rounds in a date, monthsaries don't really count since we spend every monthsary out of town but the whole day only in bed. I thought for a moment there that everything is perfect, that everything is so wonderful, that all the heartaches and rejection before vanishes in thin air because I have found heaven on earth. Heaven on earth, for only the first 2 months and the rest of our 6 month relationship is hell. After our 2nd month, my love seems to have gone cold, the sex was still hot but our dates are always with friends. Actually, with my love's friend, bestfriend. We would go out, and all along i thought that it's only the two of us but in the end I will be watching a movie beside my love's bestfriend. And not only the dates, my love seems so to go further and further away from me each passing day. Hang up on me on the phone, won't text me if I will not text first, won't hold my hand even if we're alone, won't kiss me during sex and most of all won't say "I LOVE YOU TOO". I will tell my love, "I LOVE YOU." and then my love would answer, "YEAH, I KNOW ALREADY." Then one day I confronted my love, "Are you falling out of love? Is there someone else?" Then i got a reply, "I was never in love with you. What we have is never a relationship. Our relationship doesn't exist, nobody knows that we are together. You were always insisting that we stay like that. For me, this, this is just something like friends with benifits. So I think we should stay like this. FRIENDS." At that moment I couldn't help it but to tell my love, "I love you. You're the one who insisted of a very private romantic relationship. For me you are not just a f*ck buddy but someone I am in love with. Can we start over?" and the hardest thing I've heard in my entire life followed, "I can never love you because I am in love with my bestfriend." Then I was like, "WTF!!!!!! I KNEW IT! YOU"RE F*CKING YOU'RE BESTFRIEND RIGHT BEHIND MY BACK!!! YOU'RE A SLUT! YOU"RE NOT JUST SON OF A B*TCH BUT OF SATAN HIMSELF!" I would really want to tell that to my love this but right at that moment I felt something inside my heart and a voice in my head told me, "You are a nurse. A professional. So act like one always." Afterwards, I quit HIM, I quit my JOB, I quit being someone but a NURSE.
I am here now, in my room, lying on my bed, thinking, "Is my resume beautiful enough. I hope a hospital will hire me. Because I will never be someone but a nurse. I have so many dreams and I would love for them to happen. Well, everything starts with a single step. So, tomorrow will be the first day of my journey to become a nurse."
To be continued....
