Longing after you (Ziam) ~English version

Chapter 1

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Falling in love isn't a thing that happens all at once, it happens just as the term describes, a constant falling, further and further down, with no ground beneath to hit.

And a broken heart either isn't a thing that happens all at once, it's small moments, small happenings that builds up against the breaking point, where the person can't bare it anymore.

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Zayn watches him where he moves across the stage, watches the way his face is lit up by an inner gleam. A gleam that has his whole face shining, and his eyes to glisten. The soft plump lips, that's parted in a huge warm smile, and shows off a perfect set of white teeth, and the soft brown eyes that are sparkling in the light of the spotlights. The way the skin in the corners of his eyes crinkles when the smile grows, as if he can't believe how anyone could ever be this lucky, can't believe how the person being in this position really is him.

The way his bushy eyebrows furrows in concentration to hit each note perfectly. The way the veins in his neck gets clearly visible when he sings his heart out in each little note that leaves his beautiful lips. The way he puts down his whole soul in each one of them, to hit them all off with brilliance. The way his strong hands grip firmly around the mic in his hands, causes his whole arm to flex, showing off the strong muscles of his arm, making them clearly visible. Muscles that Zayn imagines could carry his whole weight, muscles that easily could pin him down against a rough floor, or pin him by his wrists against a wall, without much effort at all, and Zayn would happily let him.

Zayn queitly wonders how it would feel to have those strong arms wrapped around him, not in a friendly way, but the possessive way of a lover. How they would feel tightly surrounding him, until his mind, all Zayn's thoughts, was consumed by the burning light that seem to shine from every core of him.

Zayn wonders if he with those arms, could pin him to the floor, hovering above him, keeping him in place with his lips roughly pressed against Zayn's own, if they could securely hold him against a wall, with nowhere for him to escape, nowhere that Zayn ever would want to escape.

Zayn's longing after him.

Zayn watches him when he closes his eyes, closes them to really let the feeling sink in, the feeling of the thousands of screaming fans, singing their lyrics, the same lyrics they'd worked so hard with, back to them. The feeling when they see the tears in the fans eyes, watches them faint if they meet their eyes long enough.

Zayn watches how he puts down everything he has in making everything perfect, from the way his tones, mends beautifully with the music behind, to the way he dances across the stage, singing directly towards the fans, or in the way he interact with the rest of the boys on the stage. It's how he is, wants to do everything perfect, puts down his whole self to do everything with precision.

Zayn's longing after him, longing after Liam.

Zayn's learned this by now, learned how to hit each note with grace, and still watch Liam's every step across the stage. He's learned to no longer get distracted by Liam's presence when he's about to hit one of his more difficult notes, the way he always got in the beginning, when his voice always cracked when the only thing Liam did was watching him. When the only thing that required, was one of Liam's huge smiles, for him to lose his balance, to make his voice combust into nothing at all.

Sure, it still really is hard sometimes, like now, when Liam chooses to lay a sweaty arm around his smaller shoulders, pulling him in close against his chest, and Zayn can't help himself. Can't help the way he melts into Liam's warm touch, can't help the way suddenly all his balance is held up by Liam's strong body, can't help the way he so fully trusts the slightly younger boy. And he definitely can't help that silly, happy smile who appears, and is spreading over his lips when Liam touches him, or when he just mentions Zayn's name short to the audience.