Finding New Love

What? It's Just Crying

"Why couldn't you do what I told you to do? Why did you have to go and screw up that dinner. That dinner had been really important to me, Mal!" Ben yelled at her again about the dinner with his parents for the hundredth time. His parents had waved it off, and Mal had felt terrible about messing it up with her lack of knowledge of etiquette, and she had apologized so many times already. She wasn't sure what to do anymore. 

"I am really sorry, Ben," she said softly. She didn't want to get him upset again. 

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Mal," he said, sighing before turning away. "Maybe I should have never broken up with Audrey," he mumbled under his breath, not meaning for Mal to have heard him say it. 

Mal lost her temper. "I'm sorry that I can't be perfect," she said, finally yelling at him. "I'm sorry that I can't remember the things that you make me cram into my head last-minute. I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect girlfriend for you, Ben. But I'm trying. I'm honestly trying." 

Ben's eyes narrowed, his anger so much more apparent when he did that. 

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, her head hanging low with shame. "I apologize for my sudden outburst."

"Good," Ben said, his attitude changing. "But I don't think that this will work. We'll keep up the farce for the sake of my parents and the public. But if the right time should arise, we're breaking up."

Mal took a step back as if he had physically struck her. 

"Don't act like it actually hurts, Mal," Ben said before turning around. His next words were muffled and everything started to get blurry. 

Mal woke with a start. Her breaths came out in pants and it hurt just as much in real life as it did in the dream. Her heart was beating out of her chest, and tears starting streaming down her face. She didn't remember falling asleep, but she hated that she did. She hated the dreams that would haunt her because of her failed relationship. 

She looked to her right to find Harry still sound asleep. She got off of the couch and walked to her room. Her footsteps silent and soft as to not wake the sleeping pirate. Mal closed the door as she entered her room. She looked at the paintings that she had done in the past. Before everything happened. Before she lost the guy of her dreams. 

And she hated all of it. She hated herself for not being good enough. She hated Ben for not wanting her. She hated the fact that Harry was still so nice to her even after what she did to him. She hated that tears were now streaming down her face. 

She sank down to the ground, still not making a sound. The tears slipped silently down as she grasped her chest that ached. She opened her mouth, but no sounds came out. The tears ran down faster and the drops were bigger as she hung her head over her body, hand still clenching over her heart. A small sound escaped past her lips, but no other sounds came out. She wanted to wail. She wanted something. But it never happened. The tears just kept flowing. 

Mal tried to scream, but she didn't have enough breath to do so. 

Another small sound came out. It was another five minutes before she was able to catch her breath, and she stood up. Drops still slid down her cheeks as she caught her breath, but nothing like what had happened minutes prior. She had stood up to quickly and had to brace her hand on the wall to prevent herself from falling. The sound of her hand hitting the wall seemed to echo throughout the silent apartment. 

It had been enough to cause Harry to wake up. His feet were padding against the floor within seconds of her dizziness. "Mal?" he asked as he opened her door. He found her leaning against the wall for support. "You were crying again," he said, almost growling it out. She knew the growl wasn't directed at her. She knew how much Harry's hate for the Prince- no -King had gone up within the time that he had spent with Mal. It was because of her that Harry now hated the King more. 

"What?" Mal said, shrugging like it was nothing as she wiped the tears away. "It's just crying. It's not like I'm injured or anything." She paused as she walked past Harry. "I heard that it's actually good to cry once in awhile. It's better than keeping all of your emotions pent up and ready to explode at any time."

She knew that Harry didn't buy it for a second. "Mal. He hurt you. Not physically. Unless he did, and if that's the case, then I'm going to kill that little fucker. But I know that he hurt you on an emotional level. And..." he paused, trying not to cringe at the words he was about to say. "And you loved him. I know you did. And he broke your heart without fair warning."

"Actually-" Mal started. 

"He gave you fair warning?" Harry asked, his voice raising and his anger becoming much more apparent. 

Mal sighed, closing her eyes tightly, trying not to remember the dream or the memory. "He did. He told me three weeks ago that if I messed up again, especially after the dinner with his parents, that he would break up with me. And I guess, the other night. Or I guess... last night," it definitely did not feel like only last night, "he didn't want to put up with it anymore. So he ended it." Her gaze fell to the floor. She couldn't look at him in the eye. She didn't want to see what kind of emotion he held in his eyes. Mal didn't think that she could deal with anger or disappointment anymore. 

Harry looked at her like she was crazy. That didn't justify what he did. Even the King's parents hadn't been expecting their golden boy to do that. They hadn't approved, and they almost renounced his position as king, which had been unheard of. "Mal," Harry said, helping her upright and holding her chin to keep her eyes on him. "You did nothing wrong. It wasn't your fault that you fell for an asshole. It wasn't your fault that he got angry at you-"

Mal opened her mouth to object, but Harry cut her off. "I wasn't finished." He paused to regather his thoughts. "You might think that it was your fault. That had you done better- had you tried more, he wouldn't have broken up with you. But you have to understand, that from the world's view, you were doing everything you could. It wasn't your fault that you didn't have the royal, proper upbringing that he had. And that if couldn't realized how hard you tried, then he didn't deserve you in the first place." He had a small smile on his face as Mal wiped the rest of her tears away. 

"Do you really think so?" she asked, as if she was a little girl asking if "happily ever afters" actually existed. 

"Yes," Harry replied. "Now let's go back to bed. Because I really don't want to deal with a grumpy Mal in the morning."

Mal let out a snort before hitting his bicep. "Like you can talk, mister. Last time someone woke you up, and might I mention that you weren't hungover, you gave them that terrible glare of yours that sent them running. Towards me. And they had pissed their pants."

Harry hummed. "I can't recall that particular memory," he said innocently. 

She just rolled her eyes at him before walking back to the couch and collapsing on it with her eyes closed. This time, she let the darkness soothe her.