Love In The Unexpected

CHAPTER4

 

It had been two weeks since she had been back. She was faced with the tough choice of what to do with her life. Did she really want to move to London? As a consultant her job required a significant amount of travelling and London was a good central point. She had also met up with Luke and Nicole a number of times and did not feel ready to lose what was a blossoming friendship. Growing up she had never made any close friends and she longed to have such relationships. The other issue was her siblings. She felt so guilty for abandoning them considering they had not done much with their lives. She could not do it again. She had finally met little Matthew and he was the most adorable thing she had ever seen. Just thinking about him made her smile. There was no way she was abandoning her siblings. Her mind was made! Her mother was another issue that grieved her, she had hardly uttered more than a few words to her the couple of times she had gone round to see her siblings. She felt her eyes water as she thought about her. How she hated that woman, she knew it was not right as a Christian but she just could not understand why God had given her such an evil woman for a mother. She was the reason Amber stayed awake at night, the reason she had missed out on seeing her brothers and sisters develop into young men and women. The reason she woke up sometimes feeling so depressed and alone. She had gotten saved whilst in Manchester and had accepted that God loved her but she still hadn’t faced her pain or given it over to God she didn’t know how. Growing up she had always been a quiet child; she liked to retreat into herself and just got on with her life. She always attempted to run away from trouble but it seemed to follow her alongside with pain and suffering. She remembered her favourite coping mechanism had been to imagine she had a mum and dad who loved and spoiled her. In her make believe world she lived in a big country house, liked riding horses and had an unlimited supply of toys. Oh how life had been the complete opposite. She instead lived in a rough part of London where only the poorest lived. Her mother didn’t work and instead preferred to claim benefits. As was the norm in her area she didn’t know her father and had only met him once a memory she did not want to relieve. She was part of the national statistics a child from a single home. She remembered how her area was crime inflicted and all the boys seemed to grow up to be muggers. She could not keep count of how many times she had seen young neighbours she grew up with go to prison, for mugging, assault or murder. Girls on the other hand looked up to celebrities and spent each penny they got on trying to look like celebrities and drinking cheap beer. It was the norm for 16 year olds to get pregnant for no other reason than to secure a council flat.  Sitting on the bed of her hotel room she was transported to a day 13 years ago. That day her mother had lay down on the sofa, drunk as usual. Her partner at the time was Mike who happened to be the twin’s dad, and oh how Amber hated that man. He never seemed to hide his own equal dislike of Amber and often suggested to Amber’s mum that she should be sent into care. Her mother always refused unashamedly stating in her cockney accent, “Amber is worth   £100 a week in child benefits, if I let her go how will we survive?” Most kids would have usually been hurt to hear such a thing but not Amber. She would thank God each time her mother said that knowing it was her saving grace. That day Mike had been in a bad mood after losing most of his money gambling. He had come home so drunk he was barely coherent. He had looked at Mary-Anne and shouted, “What is this girl still doing here Mary Anne? Did I not tell you to get rid of her? Jamie I can handle, Amie I can handle. Amber on the other hand is the most useless child I’ve ever seen. Her head is always buried in her books and she’s always in the house. I’m tired of her always looking at me. I want her out, I want her out NOW! ” Amber’s mother had just laughed at Mike, “Do you honestly think I’m going to throw away £100 a week Mike, get out my face you are annoying me, throwing your tantrums when you don’t provide a single penny to the house, useless man. I was better off with Jamie’s dad, now that was what you called a real man. He used to take real good care of me.” Mike’s face had turned boiling red and he had jumped on the sofa and delivered a  hard punch to Mary-Anne. Amber had been so petrified the most natural thing had been to save her mum. She had grabbed the closest vase and crashed it on Mike’s back. It had not broken as Amber had expected but what happened next she had definitely not expected. He had grabbed the vase and thrown it on the floor. Growling like a bear he had picked Amber up and he violently threw her on the floor. Amber had landed on the broken glasses and nothing could have prepared her for the excruciating pain she had experienced. She had screamed, “No, please Mike I’m sorry,” as his large palm met her tiny face. Several times he had slapped her all the while muttering “I told you Mary-Anne to get rid of her, now I’ll do it myself.” She had wished she could black out because of the excruciating pain. Whilst Mike delivered the violent blows to Amber’s fragile body, she had seen her mom get up from the sofa. With hope in her eyes she had thought her mom had stood up to save her from the violent Mike who was now removing his belt. The pain of the leather belt meeting her delicate skin was nothing compared to the pain she felt when she noticed her mother was not saving her but was instead grabbing a lighter so she could smoke her cigarette. He had stopped when he realised she was now crying softly and had left the house without a word. Mary-Anne had stood up leaving her 10 year old eldest daughter on the cold hard floor whilst she went to take a nap. Amie then four had knelt beside Amber. “Amber I’ll sing you a song, so you can stop crying, Ok Amber, stop crying baby,” she had spoken in her baby voice whilst stroking her hair as a mother would. “Let me sing for you baby, so you can stop crying ok. Twinkle twinkle little star…” Amber snapped back to reality, she could feel the tears slide down her cheeks. The pain of that day haunted her as she sat on the bed. Why had she relieved the past? She didn’t have the strength. That day had only been the start and for the next 8 years she had experienced even worse episodes as her mother’s volatile relationship with Mike continued, until the day she had left home. Why had she done this to herself she thought as stood up to get some paracetamol. Her head was hurting so badly from all the crying. She knew she would never have the strength to visit the worse incidents from her childhood. She closed her eyes and fell asleep only to be woken up by her ringing phone. Her voice croaky she mumbled a hello. “Amber its Luke,” the cheery voice sounded from the other side of the line. “Nicole and I wanted to find out if you are coming to bible study tonight?” she had to find a way to refuse yet she didn’t want to so she muttered an excuse about a headache. “I’ve got a headache; I’m in bed I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.” “Are you sure it’s just a headache Amber you sound like you’ve been crying?” She had reassured Luke that she was absolutely fine before ending the conversation and pulling the covers above her head. Luke and Nicole were a really cute couple, Amber found herself thinking. Nicole complemented Luke well, she was warm, friendly and funny not to mention beautiful. Even though she had known the couple for 2 weeks she already considered them friends. She closed her eyes and went back to sleep. She was woken up by her phone in the morning it was Nicole.  “Morning Amber.” She sung into the phone. “Hey.” Amber groggily muttered. “What’s wrong, you don’t sound too well Luke mentioned you had a headache and I just wanted to make sure you were ok.” “Thanks Nicole I’m ok this morning, I’m a bit groggy as you can imagine the transition from dream land to the real world is not an easy one.” Nicole laughed, “You’re such a cute geek Amber.” “Let’s just say Nicole you’re not the first one to call me a geek although you’re the first to call me cute. Anyways I’ve finally decided to stay in London so does your offer to help me flat hunt still stand.” Nicole let out a squeal, “That’s great Amber the offer still stands. When are you ready to start we can go to an estate agent I used to find my flat? ” “ Em I guess whenever you are free, I’ve got a meeting with a firm I’m consulting for tomorrow. Let’s just say that for the next 3 days I’ll be busy but I should be free after that. “Ok in that case call me the minute you are free and we will figure something out. I’m so excited you decided to stay I really am, I know we haven’t known each other for long but I feel so comfortable talking to you.” “ Awww thanks Nicole the feeling is mutual, anyways let me get out of bed, I’’ speak to you later. Oh by the way are we still on for Frankie’s and Bennies this evening?” “Sure hun, I wouldn’t pass on Italian for anything in the world. Go and bath and we’ll speak later."